BEING JAMIE BAKER

Chapter 10

  I had my usual front row seat on the Grand Canyon's edge, waiting for another spectacular sunset. I sighed when the sun hit the horizon, painting an array of vivid colors throughout the canyon's depths below me, and a brilliant orange and purple sky above. "It's almost perfect," I breathed, still taken aback by the earth's natural beauty even though I'd seen many desert sunsets before this one.

"Almost?" whispered a voice behind me.

My heart pounded in my chest as I turned to face my surprise company. My first instinct was to ask him how he got here, but I was immediately distracted by the perfect smile on his face and the clump of wildflowers he was holding out to me.

Ryan pressed the flowers into my hand and chuckled when I couldn't stop staring in disbelief. "You're going to miss the best part," he said, and then gently turned me back around to face the scenery.

His hands caused a burning sensation inside me as they slid around my waist and pulled me securely against his perfectly sculpted body. I couldn't believe how naturally I seemed to fit there. It was as if my body had been made specifically for the purpose of being close to his.

I shuddered from the chills that ran through me as he buried his face in my hair to inhale my scent. Then he pressed his lips softly against the side of my neck right behind my ear. "What would I have to do to make it absolutely perfect?"

Another round of shivers made me go completely weak in the knees, and I barely found enough breath to reply. "Nothing could make this more perfect now."

We were silent until the sun dipped completely from view, and then Ryan whirled me around so fast it made my head spin. Or maybe it had already been spinning. To be honest, I wasn't really sure of anything except how close Ryan's face was to mine.

"You do know it's against the law to pick wildflowers in a national park, don't you?" I mumbled nervously, gulping when his face began slowly sinking toward mine. Ryan didn't respond except to pull the corners of his mouth up into my favorite cocky little smirk.

I gasped when he threw his lips on mine so passionately. The feeling was so incredible that I was unable to back away from him like I knew I should. I waited for him to pull away. I waited for him to scream out in pain. I waited for that image of the black, crispy face twisted in agony. But none of that came. Instead his passion intensified. I forgot all about waiting for my nightmare, and my arms locked around his neck as if they planned on never letting him escape. It was the most perfect, passionate kiss of my entire life.

And then I woke up.

I knew there would be no more sleep that night. This dream had been every bit as real and intense as my nightmares. While it lasted, kissing Ryan was a much better way to spend my sleep than roasting him alive, but when the dream was over I couldn't decide which was worse.

It was after this dream, while I was waiting in bed for the sun to rise, that I finally mulled over my father's request—demand, really—to never speak to Ryan again. After thinking about it long and hard, I came to the conclusion that my father was probably right. Being friends with Ryan and sharing my secret with him was probably a huge mistake.

I also decided that I absolutely, positively did not care. This wasn't my father's secret to keep, it was mine, and I could decide who to trust with it. I knew I'd feel a little guilty for defying my dad's wishes, but it surely wouldn't kill me. I wasn't really doing anything wrong, and Ryan's friendship definitely wouldn't be the only secret I'd kept from my parents. Or the worst.

So, with that attitude, I got ready for school, feeling a little anticipation. I got out of bed a full hour early, taking extra care as I touched up my ever-annoying green roots and eyebrows. I even fussed over my outfit and makeup for once. I couldn't help being a little excited. Until this point, I'd only ever been stressed out over what to do about Ryan, but now, today, seeing him was something to look forward to.

I was still a little worried that I'd really freaked him out the other day, but I'd come up with so many different things I could say to him to help him through it. I was sure he'd have more questions, but now I was ready to answer them all. I was prepared for every possible thing he could say to me. The only thing I wasn't prepared for was him saying nothing at all. Which was exactly what he did all day long.

I'd come up the front steps, relieved to see that his truck was in the parking lot. I didn't think I could handle him being gone two days in a row. I saw him gathered with his usual posse in the quad as I headed toward my first-hour class. My heart fluttered a tiny bit when I saw him, and I waited for that big goofy grin. But it wasn't until Mike saw me and said, "For someone made of ice, Baker's looking particularly hot this morning," that Ryan's eyes flicked to mine for the briefest moment.

There was no smile, no wave. No internal struggle as he debated whether or not to approach me. He looked away as quickly as he'd looked up. They were all watching me—Mike, Justin, Scott, the entire varsity starting lineup—all of them except Ryan. Ryan grabbed the backpack at his feet and walked off in the opposite direction.

Mike was confused by the reaction, but I was downright startled. My eyes stung as my disappointment threatened to cause a breakdown, but then Mike looked at me again with a look of utter disgust, and it was easy to forget my disappointment and return the gesture.

A moment later, Mike went catching up to Ryan. I didn't want to hear what he possibly had to say, but I couldn't stop myself from listening. "Shake it off, buddy," Mike said to Ryan. "Everyone gets burned by the ice queen eventually. If I were you, I'd be more worried about Coach Pelton ripping your head off today."

Ryan was quiet for a moment, but when he started talking his voice sounded just as cheerful as ever. "Nah, Coach is fine. My mom talked to him yesterday. But if I were you, I'd be worried about Paige. She called and gave me an earful last night about you. What's up with that, anyway? I thought you were into Becky."

"Too much drama."

"You want to trade?" Ryan laughed. "You think Becky's drama? Try having Paige in love with you for five minutes."

When Ryan and Mike burst into happy laughter together I got so angry I had to skip first period in order to avoid a school blackout. I just didn't understand how everything could be back to normal. Pre-kiss normal. I had gone against every instinct I had, made a life-altering decision to tell him the world's craziest secret, and he was acting as if none of what we went through the other day had ever happened. I didn't understand it, but more than that, I was completely crushed.

I'd thought lunch was bad when Ryan wasn't there, but it was way worse now that he was back and was intentionally avoiding me. He nearly threw the entire Rocklin High universe out of whack when he didn't sit in his usual seat, but rather shoved between Paige and Becky, conveniently putting his back to me.

He threw his arms around Becky. Not quite the same way he did to me in his backyard, but it was still like rubbing salt in an open wound. He finally found out that I really am a freak and went straight to her. I should have known, I guess, but I had really believed that Ryan was different.

"Paige told me what happened," he said to Becky.

"Of course she did—she told everyone," Becky mumbled under her breath.

"Come on, Beck. We all know Mike's destined for bachelorhood," Ryan continued.

"Amen, brother." Mike laughed.

"Not helping, dude," Ryan said, and then turned back to Becky. "If he says he's sorry, you think you could forgive and forget?"

I was almost glad I couldn't see the look on Becky's face, because I bet it was a lot like the one she gave me the other day.

"Want me to punch him?" Ryan asked, rolling off her glare just as easily as he always did mine. "Avenge your honor and all that?"

"You can try," Mike said, "but you know I'd whoop you."

"Would not."

"Would too."

"So would not."

"Everyone knows a quarterback can't take a hit."

"Bring it on." Ryan laughed.

"Oh, it's on," Mike said with equal enthusiasm. "Today during practice. I owe you anyway for all those laps Coach made us run when you ditched."

"There you go," Ryan said, giving Becky another hug. "I'm going to smear Mike into the ground for you at practice. Then you'll have to feel better. You know, you should even come out with us on Friday after the game. We could get a group together and all go bowling or something."

I waited for the swooning that usually occurred when Ryan unleashed his magic on someone, but no such response followed. "Save the knight in shining armor crap for Jamie," Becky snapped, shrugging Ryan's arm off her. "I'm not buying it."

My eyes snapped immediately back to the food in front of me, but I don't think anyone looked my direction. They were all too busy watching Becky leave the room. "Just let her go," I heard Paige grumble.

A few minutes later I felt a pair of eyes on me. The minute I looked up Ryan turned back around, but not before Paige noticed the brief interaction. "What exactly is going on with you and Jamie anyway?" she hissed.

"Nothing," Ryan said. "Same as Jamie and everyone else in this school."

"Trust me, dude. It really is better that way," Mike interrupted.

"She said you were with her during the homecoming dance," Paige continued to accuse.

"You talked to her?" After the way Ryan had just brushed me off so casually, I didn't understand the concern in his voice at all, but it was definitely there.

"We had an unfortunate run-in with her at the mall," Tamika explained. "She was way harsh to Paige, for no reason. There is something really weird about that girl, Ryan. Seriously, I don't know why you bother. You can't help her. She's a total freak."

"I'm not trying to help anyone. Jamie and I aren't dating. We're not even friends. We had a paper to do. It was the only time she had free. That's it. My paper's done now."

"Why'd you kiss her in the first place?"

"It was nothing. Mike bet me I couldn't get her to do it. I knew he was wrong."

It was nothing? He knew Mike was wrong? What a jerk!

"And I'll never doubt your skills again, play-uh," Mike said solemnly.

The lights in the cafeteria flickered. Just once. Ryan's back stiffened, and that was my cue to leave the cafeteria.

English went by in much the same fashion. I had a feeling every now and then that Ryan was looking at me, but I didn't dare find out. I was having a hard enough time controlling myself as it was. If I looked at him even once, they'd be calling the fire department to put out the flames when I spontaneously combusted in my chair.

I was out of there as soon as the bell rang and ended up doing my homework at Lake Tahoe for a few hours before going home. (I had to find a new spot since now the Grand Canyon was tainted for me.)

The weekend was endless, and by Monday I'd come to the conclusion that even though Ryan had clearly kept his promise not to tell anyone about me—easy enough when I didn't really exist, right?—he was still the world's biggest jerk, and I was going to hate him for all eternity.

On the bright side, I didn't have to disobey my dad's request, and most of the tension at home was finally gone. I was back to being the ice queen, and I'd kicked Jamie Baker under the rug again.

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