Words don't even explain how I feel right now, but if I had to use a adjective it would be Angry.
I'm Angry because somewhere, somehow I forgot who the freak I was! I had hobbies, I had friends, I use to hang out , I didn't mind being alone . Somewhere I feel like I got too soft, I hurt my feelings numerous times just to please others . Or just so others wouldn't have to hurt , I would rather me go through pain than seeing someone else going through pain.
People seen that and took advantage of me , especially knowing I'll give them my last . At the end of the day , I can't Blame anyone but myself . It's my fault I ignored the red flags because I thought people could be changed. People will change you before you change them. I found out the extremely hard way that if a person wants to change they will . If they don't want to change they won't. There's nothing you or anyone else can do about it . I was angry because I wish I knew this sooner in my life. Before the self sabotage and the self drainage . Now I'm at a place where I can't trust anything and I'm gracefully selfish. I had to start putting myself first to heal , to love others again. When your mad at the world because of mistakes you made. Your Vision gets cloudy . You start treating everybody the same and putting them in the same category. You have to realize everyone is not the same, everyone is not out to get you.
Yes. You've been hurt by numerous people , but that was for you to learn from it . It wasn't to destroy you . Even if it was to destroy you , you have the power to stop it . It's more of an intuition thing . Like you really have to go with your intuition. , that gut feeling that we feel when something isn't right or you can feel something good will happen . That's your intuition . Your intuition will never let you down , and don't disrespect it by not listening to it . After not listening to your intuition for a long time it will slowly fade away . You won't be able to tell if it's your intuition or your mind playing tricks . The more you listen the stronger you get & the more control you have over you're spirits
Everything we go through , is a learning experience . Like every single thing we go through is to grow us . It's just up to us , some of us let our situations break us and some let it make us !! I can't be angry at the world any more , it's taking so much from me . I'm loosing time being angry that I won't get back. I'm missing out on life completely because I'm angry . Life should be happiness , we only get one life . So why should you spend it being angry . Nope .
Not anymore , I want to enjoy my life and I don't want my kids to grow up , remembering their parent was always mad . Like we all know someone who is bitter and angry at the world , I'm not tryna be like that .
I just want to love my self more , and the people around me . I want them to see I am not bitter and angry all the time .
I am actually fun , loving and caring .
Angry for what ? I'm not going to go through nothing I cannot handle.
I get anxiety now because I think people will judge me or not want to be around me because they know I've been angry & bitter in the past years .
I know I'll have to prove it to myself before other will believe I've been relived and I'm not angry anymore .
