The Help

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When I got back to school the next morning, the happiness I felt the other day, was gone, and the familiar dark feeling came back to haunt me. Thoughts get louder and louder.

'You're worthless'

'No one likes you '

'they all lied'

'NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!'

'YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!'

halfway through the day, They got louder and louder. I couldn't take it anymore, and during lunch, instead of eating, I just ran into the bathroom to cry, then I remembered something, I was gonna have to tell Mom and Dad about my thoughts, "fuck fuck fuck" I think to myself, fidgeting with the sleeve on my jacket, pushing my hand on the inside of the sleeve, while twisting the sleeve, counting in my head the number of times I twisted it, starting over now and then

"1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10"

"1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10"

"1,2,3,4,5,6-" My counting was cut off

'Wow, Just wait in till they see just how PATHETIC you are' the thoughts were practically screaming, my counting sped up, I started pacing, not back and forth, but in circles, trying to gain a hold on myself, the thoughts telling me to kill myself, that, if I strangled myself right now, I could stop the pain. without realizing it, I had curled Myself into a ball, with my hood up, just about letting my thoughts scream in my head. Alternet scenarios of where I told My parents what I was going through, some they thought I was selfish, some, they outright confirmed that it was all pretend and that I was better off dead, some they were angry with me. I knew I was being irrational, but, the thoughts never went away.

at some point the bell rang, I couldn't bring myself to go to class, no, not like this at least. I don't care if I'm late, I'd rather stay curled up by the sinks than have people see me like this. People came in, they asked I I was okay, I didn't say a word, I just tried to hide my face, not looking up, I think they just gave up, as I heard footsteps, leaving the bathroom. I wish I could say That calmed me down, but, it didn't, It just got me more upset, but it felt like I was unable to move from my spot, I wish, I could just go and get over myself, and go to class, but, it's not that fucking simple, I wish it were. because let's face it, yesterday was an exception. a day where I was blinded by people giving me gifts, was that why I was Happy?

I didn't know how I could feel so happy yesterday, yet so So helpless today? until I remembered, that the Thoughts were still present yesterday, I was just blinded by all the people treating me better than I deserved, distractions, if you will. That's all... That's FUCKING ALL!

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I heard footsteps. "hey little guy, wanna come to my office to talk? you're not in trouble and no one's in the halls right now." I looked up to see Mr. Small, with a calming, yet worried smile. I looked behind him, to see, that no one was in the hall, as he had said. I'm guessing, the person told him that I was having a meltdown in the bathroom, and he wanted to cheek up on me. I unwillingly got up and began to walk with him to his office at the high school, I don't know specifics, but he kinda works at both the Highschool and the Jr. High. As we walked, we passed the bulletin board, along with my note, that read 'I feel REALLY alone right now...', I just shrug my shoulders at it, kinda surprised it was still up, but, I guess the school was just being slow, or something. I take a seat in the chair in his office, and I fidget around in the seat, before sitting still. I looked down at the bracelets that Darwin and Penny Gave me, I don't deserve them... 'YOU DON"T DESERVE LIFE' the thoughts scream, I curl up in a ball, hugging my legs, knees tight against my chess, my tail around my body, ears down, sobbing. I honestly agreed, but I didn't want to die, but, I also did. I just hate myself...but everyone hates me too.

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⏰ Last updated: Aug 20, 2022 ⏰

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