Pagsamo (C.A.T Series #1)

Chapter Thirty- Nine

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Trigger warning: death, mention of self harm

"You really have to choose the perfect partner in life... because in the end there is no else to blame but yourself if it fucks up badly." 

Mara's words made me think. 

I can't take my eyes off the coffin in front of me. Wala na talaga siya. Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na, o kung anong araw. Ni hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na kami rito. 

I refuse to believe everything. Sana panaginip na lang. Sana hindi talaga 'to totoo. 

I love you, Cha.

I'm sorry... I'm sorry...

I was not with you, I'm sorry.

I saw a man walking towards Cha. Iginilid ko ng kaonti ang tingin para mamukhaan ang lalaki pero sa tangkad nito ay hindi ko siya matanaw. When he was inches away from me ay agad kong nakilala ang mukhang 'yon. 

"Ang kapal ng mukha mo!" I shouted and started to attack Brent. 

I pulled his clothes. I hit him. Kung saan saan. Sa mukha, sa braso, sa dibdib. I felt someone trying to pull me away from him pero lumaban ako. I tried to reach him kahit nakayakap na sa akin ang pumipigil. 

"Ang kapal kapal ng mukha mo!" I continued to shout. 

Biglang napunta sa harap ko si Jeff at agad na sinuntok si Brent. Sinubukan siyang pigilan nila Gabo at Damien pero galit na galit siya. 

Si Bads lang ang humawak sa kapatid. Nakahawak ang mga kaibigan sa amin ni Jeff. 

"Umalis ka rito," sabi ko.

"Just let me see my wife..." pagmamakaawa niya habang umiiyak. 

"Wala kang karapatan na makita siya!" Jeff's voice thundered.

Brent slowly kneeled. He's crying so hard while begging again and again. 

"I just want to see her..." He sobbed. 

"Hinding-hindi mo na siya makikita... Naririnig mo 'ko Brent?! Hindi na! Lahat tayo, hindi na siya makikita! At dahil sa'yo 'yon!" Jeff tried to reach for him again. 

Hinila na ni Bads palayo ang kapatid. You can see how Brent is trying to convince Bads na kausapin kami but that will never happen. Hindi ako papayag na makita niya si Cha. 

Pinakalma nila si Jeff at pina-upo. Ganoon din ang ginawa nila sa akin. May sinasabi sila pero hindi ko maintindihan 'yon. It was like I'm out. Parang walang malay pero dilat at gumagalaw. 

Bads stayed with me the whole time. My friends was busy mourning and being sad themselves kaya hindi namin makausap ang isa't isa. Even Yvan had to leave his kid sa magulang niya para makapagluksa ng maayos. 

By the time Yvan woke up, wala na si Cha. He was so mad at himself. Sinisisi niya ang sarili. 

I hugged Yvan habang umiiyak siya. He can't move dahil hindi pa magaling ang mga sugat. He was unconscious for at least two days at pagkagising niya ay si Cha ang unang hinahanap. 

Of course we had to tell him what happened and that's when he broke down. 

My hug tightened dahil mas lumakas ang iyak niya. 

"G-gusto ko lang s-siyang kamustahin, Che! Kung alam ko lang, sana hindi na ako tumawag!" He kept on blamimg himself. 

"Ang ayos pa naming nag-usap! T-tumatawa ka pa k-kami!" He cried some more.