A Christian Teenager

Complicated...

Have you ever had a friend, I mean like that you never want that friendship to end, but then something goes wrong, like him liking you maybe? Well same. I have been going to my current church for 4 years now, I would say I known him since he was 11, (he's 14 now) we've been friends for the longest and trust me I don't have many guy friends.

Finding out he liked me was...hard.. I mean I didn't want our friendship to end and I could feel it. Painfully and slowly ending bit by bit. I could see the hurt in his eyes when other guys give me attention. I don't wanna hurt him but I don't like him that way...My God knows how hard it is for me to keep guy friends.

After all that trouble there is a story I would like to share here just so if you're dealing with something similar to not make the same mistake.

About a year ago, April 3rd, 2014 to be exact. A cute fella asked me out, I'm gonna name him... Joey though that's not his actual name. I said yes and I mean I guess things settled, I was his girlfriend and he was my boyfriend. (Duh) things were basically like this. We didn't kiss, or hold hands, or anything of that dating stuff kids do now and days. We just hugged and you know kinda chatted. It was actually really adorable how he was willing to wait for me to be ready to give him my first kiss. I just knew in my heart he wasn't the one meant to have it. So I kept making excuses. I fought with him and make him feel like dirt I step on. And he would still apologize for my brat moments. He was too sweet and he really liked me. That was my mistake.

I couldn't say "I love you" back to him because, why would I lie about how I feel to make him happy? In the end the relationship would be based on a lie if I did. I wasn't about to risk that.

About 3 weeks into our relationship I had gone to Mexico as a visit to my 100 year old grandma for her 101 birthday. Over there was when I realized I didn't want him to be my first kiss, or my boyfriend even. Actually I didn't even want a boyfriend from the beginning, I only "got" one because all my friends had one and I didn't wanna be left behind. But honestly he deserves all the love in the world for standing me. Anyways back to the point, we were good on our one month anniversary, May 3rd, 2014. He was being so sweet and I bet he got me a gift which I couldn't see since I was still in Mexico though the very next day I was going back home to Colorado.

On May 4th, 2014 I made a very big mistake. I broke up with him for all the wrong excuses, by text! (I know I hate me too for that) Yet I felt accomplished. A weight off my shoulders. The worst part that became my happiness in this whole situation, he became my bestfriend. He was... So "Joey" became a source of giggles and smiles thought the summer before freshmen year, we had the best friendship ever. He was the only real bestfriend at the time. He would hear me out on the phone. He would message me when he was feeling outta it and I helped him. I really at least hope I did. "Joey" and I would have our inside jokes and master evil plans against others that hurt us. It was actually cute. Though we never spoke about our family lives... I just realized.

Later in the freshmen year started. All the excitement and nervousness about the first few days were all around the school just buzzing. I had 1st period with him, in my mind I was so happy, he was my bestfriend after all. Things were just a bit awkward between us but nothing too bad, he would sometimes defend me against this kinda bully we named "donate" because of some reason we um had a talk about. Everything was great. Everything was amazing, our non stop messaging was crazy and funny full of friend love. I thought nothing could tear this bond apart but something did. Something happened...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

The picture is kinda how we used to talk, "Joey" and I.