I wipe the sleep from my eyes, and throw my covers off, revealing my pale body. It's been two days since my therapist visited, and I haven't seen Phil since then.
I've decided to do something big over these two days, something I never had the chance to do with my mum. I'm coming out to my dad.
He may be drunk, he may not be. He's stayed in his room though, so I think he's sober.
I dress in some black jeans and a cat shirt, and quickly eat some cereal. I pace back and forth in my room for hours, sometimes sitting down on my bed and questioning if I should tell him or not. Of course, in the end, I decide I should.
But as I'm walking down the steps, getting closer to his room, all these flashbacks hit me. The terrible things he'd done to me when I was younger. I'd never told anyone, I wasn't allowed to; the king can't get caught for such a thing! So I always sat depressed in the darkness. I had depression before I even knew what it was.
I sit on the steps for a while, wiping tears from my eyes. Eventually, I pull myself together and walk down the remaining steps.
As soon as I knock on his door, regret floods over me. I try to ignore the loud beating of my heart, but as I hear him yell to come in, it gets even harder.
I slowly enter, to see him wrapped up in his duvet. The duvet that was littered with pill bottles and alcohol only days ago. The duvet that my mother's suicide note was on. He doesn't even seem to care.
"Dad?" I ask in a shaky voice.
"What is it? Hurry up, I'm tired," He rolls over to face me. "Come in already!"
I quickly walk in, and look at him. He looks like he hasn't moved for days. Dark circles under his eyes, right above the unshaven hairs on his chin. He looks horrible.
"I, I have to tell you something."
"Obviously. Spit it out," he yells.
I take in a deep breath. Is it too late to back out?
"I'm gay."
"Ha ha. Real funny, Dan. What do you really want to say?" He fakes a laugh.
"That's it. I'm serious, Dad. I'm gay," my voice shakes.
He sits up, his blue eyes piercing into my dark ones. He stands up, arching over me.
"You want to tell me you're fucking gay?" He shouts.
"I'm sorry, Dad, I-" I get interrupted as his fist finds my eye.
I gasp and slowly hold my pulsating eye, gaping at my dad.
"OUT!" He screams, slapping me. "Get the fuck out of my house!" He punches me in the stomach.
I try to move, but my legs won't budge. Panic sets in as I see his face turn red, boiling anger obvious in his eyes.
"Get out, Dan," He points at his door, stepping closer to me. "Oh, do you want me to hit you?!" He punches the side of my face, and starts screaming. "PEOPLE LIKE YOU ALL GO TO HELL, YOU FUCKING SINNERS!"
I feel hot tears fall onto my face, along with blood from my nose. I run out of his room and start up the stairs, but he follows me. He holds the back of my shirt, and pulls me back down. I fall backwards and hit my head.
"Get the fuck out of my house." He points at the front door.
"Dad, plea-" another punch, this time directly to my nose.
He grabs my arm and pulls me out the door, slamming it behind me. I hear the lock turn inside, meaning he's locked me out. I don't have to check to see if he's locked the back, as I'm sure he's doing that right now. Not that I want to go back, anyways.
From the look of the sky, it's probably about 4:00 pm. I woke up late, and all that pacing stretched out the day.
I start walking to Phil's house, having no where else to go. I get strange stares from people I pass by, some parents make their children face a different way. I'm sure I look horrifying, I'm not mad at all. Just sad.
Its hard to walk, as my vision is blurry. My entire face pulsates and aches. I wish I had my phone, to call a taxi, or Phil.
I knock at the gate-thing at Phil's castle, waiting for him to open it. I see him emerge from the front door, and I watch as panic sets in his face the closer he gets.
He unlocks the door and lightly holds my arms, asking me what happened.
"I came out to my dad."
"Oh my god Dan no no no where are you going?!"
"I don't know. He kicked me out," I sigh.
He hugs me lightly, quickly leading me into his house.
He pulls me into his room, making me lay on his bed. He gets a few damp towels and dabs the blood on my face, being especially careful around my nose. The whole time, I tell him where he hit me and what I said. Phil cries with me, like he feels the same pain. He might, actually; he tells me his parents are homophobic.
He locks his door and cuddles up to my side, leaving small kisses on my neck. God I wish- Dan, get your head out of the gutter! You're supposed to marry his sister, for God's sake.
"Phil?"
"What is it, babe?"
"What am I going to do?"
"I have no idea, honey. I'm so sorry." He kisses my cheek.
"I don't want to marry your sister, how am I supposed to marry her when I'm in love with you?!" I freeze.
"You, you're in love with me?!" He turns to me, a huge smile on his face.
"I, um, yeah... I'm sorry-"
"I love you too!" He grins, turning my head and kissing me.
He bites my bottom lip and smiles in the kiss, pulling on my waist band. I tear off my jeans, and kiss him as I slowly climb on top of him and remove his too.
He flips me over and carefully removes my shirt, taking off his after mine. He kisses down my chest, and when he reaches my boxers, he looks up at me as if asking for permission. I nod, and he removes them.
You can probably guess what happens after.
