In the mental hospital
Pain increases
Medications numb thoughts
Keeping physical strength
To a minimum
I don't know why I'm here
But my wrists burn
They feel like they are on fire
From underneath
These thick white bandages
I thought I was done
I thought this was over with
Mental blockades get tore down
Floodgates crash in an instant
Thoughts flow freely
White walls
Padded white walls
Someone must've got hurt
Someone must've hurt
People locked us away
Your own family is afraid of you
What did you do
What did I do
The voices are real
Anxiety now an all time high
Whispers turn into screams
And the meds let these thoughts settle
"Slice your wrist Josephine"
I can't
I can't
I won't
"Be careful Josephine
They will let you out soon
Stay safe Josephine"
Why wouldn't I be safe
What isn't this safe
The walls are padded
And I have nothing but my mind
"Jordan help"
Silence
Why did I slice into my wrist
"Attention whore"
"J?"
Pain can be handled another way
"You are looking for someone to baby you
Attention seeker"
Daddy issues don't cause these things
Why did I freak out?
I looked in the mirror
But the person I saw
Was it me?
Why did that trigger me?
Why did everything go black after that?
Glimpses of pain
Shattered bathroom mirror
At school of course
The bullying
The bullying was too much
I should've told Jordan
I should've asked for help
J came out
Punched the mirror
Sliced my wrists
Cut so deep
It hurt so bad
My head hurt so much
Jordan was trying
He tried to break out
"Jordan help me"
No wonder I was locked up
Fears unreasonable
I belong here now
Forever and always
In this white room
With pillows along the walls
This coat feels so nice and warm
I like being held
I miss being held
Of course it is just me
This isn't Jordan
This isn't J
I am holding myself up
I am holding myself
No one is here to hold me
I will forever stand alone
And I have two sides of myself
One telling me to stand tall
One telling me to reach my goals
While the other is forcing me to succeed
Forcing me down
To a point of no return
How will I walk back into school after this?
How will I look my mother in the eyes?
I can no longer think
Of the voices in my mind
The sounds
Ringing through my ears
Look up
Look up now
I need to be careful
Now that I am released
Now that I know I can be free
I need to release my own anger
The anger I have been holding in
Not Jordans
Not J's
Mine
It is bubbling out of me
In waves of pain
That only we can feel
And I hope you suffer
I hope you're suffering J
YOU ARE READING
It Hurts
General FictionThe story of Josephine. My therapist says I am missing something Something important is missing Does it matter? No. If anything is important I would obviously remember it
