It Hurts

My Light

Every day seems so similar

And yet so different

Hair falling out

Must be normal considering the 

Lack

Of hair currently on my scalp

School drones by with boys being the same

Having eyes

And hands

With no awareness of personal space

Usually when their hands come out

J saves the day

But I haven't seen J

Or heard, I should say

Therapy is still therapy

With him spilling question after question

Diminishing the light starting to spark within me

Without friends it seems he,

My therapist, Is the only converser I communicate with

And therefore the only person on my mind

He said I caused my hair loss

And if that's a hint towards infection,

Like even anorexic,

I must be schizophrenic considering

The voices that just don't make sense

I burned that bridge a long time ago

Made the jump from 99 to beyond

And if this man is going to belittle my progress

Behead him.

In all honesty though,

The medications he provided

Surly work wonders on the mind

Even Jordan can't get through this pill pile

But this lump some of pills

Tend to diminish my hunger

Leaving my stomach curdling

For days and beyond

I never realize I'm losing weight

Until its already gone

I don't try to not eat

The hunger just never seems to arrive

Even on holidays

I eat and I eat

Yet the weight never changes

Just the people

Sometimes they are gone

Every time

He is gone

They tell me all the same

"You need some meat on those bones"

How I wish I could yell

Scream out the names

Of all the bones before me

That just wished to be seen

Instead of the meat

We all know we lack

I just wish people saw me

For what was present

The bones

.The dark circles under my eyes.

The countless hours spent outside of the home.

The solitude, personally inflicted. The fear, outwardly presented.

How did no one see

What little me

Was going through

When I wore my heart on my sleeves

How did no one see

Past who I was presenting to be

The straight A student

With really good manners

Decent at sports

And a weirdly good planner

A lover of cats

And weird funky sweaters

Lover of gingers

The possible school shooter

No therapist could trust me

That I know

But I thought someone might

One day

Fight to sew

Choose me over games

My hobbies over friends

I want someone who loves me

Beyond the end

Shoot for the moon

They say you'll land among stars

Please aim for Andromeda 

So we might end up together

Somewhere beyond the stars

How I wish for solitude

With you. And you alone.