It Hurts

Me Again

Sometimes

When I wake up

The world feels less heavy

But I don't know why

It's like I can't remember any second of my life

Prior to that moment

I remember Jordan

At the hospital

Saying yes to therapy

Saying yes to being okay

I remember coming home

But that is it

It must mean something happened

Unless Jordan was having time with mom

He said in his life before

That his mom was never around

He cannot remember her

How she treated him

When she left in life

Nothing

So now, I let him have privacy

Well...not let him

He forces it upon me and overtime

I have grown comfortable

It is a new day

Which means school

Jordan always lets me go to school

He never wants to sit through boring lessons

Though sometimes I wish he would

Just because they are so tiresome

I dress as anyone would

In jeans and a hoodie

Something to cover my arms

Recently I have picked up on cutting

Though I never remember doing it

When I was younger

I would burn my hands

My wrists and arms

Take a hot metal blade

And press until my skin came off

But Jordan catches me now

He stops me everytime

And with each time he stopped me

I have grown more and more

To live without it

I no longer feel the need to do anything

Because I have Jordan to help me

The ride to school doesn't take long

And I have Jordan in my head

Telling me to thank mom

For all that she does

But she is mom

This is her job

So I stay quiet

And let her mother me the way

A parent should

It makes me happy to have Jordan

But sometimes he is so

Annoying

So

Painful to be around

He forces himself out