It doesn't hurt
But it does
I feel my heart accelerate
My limbs start to shake
My breath comes out in pants
As I try so hard to look normal
Mania
Slow down
Stop talking so fast
Take a deep breath
One
Two
It isn't helping
In
Out
This isn't stopping
Someone help
The more this grows
The harder the fall will be
I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to rely on a pill
I don't want to do this anymore
The fall was hard
And it doesn't help
That tomorrow is the day
The day that this all started
The anniversary of J
She did this to me
She caused me to have all of these problems
I mean sure I was medicated before
Sure I've already been diagnosed
All of this anger is building up inside of me
Being released in bursts of energy
Shoving all of the dopamine out of my body
Making me feel all of my emotions at once
Because it cares
My body
My mind
Cares for me
I cannot feel anything but sadness now
I just want to curl up
Hide
Not let the world see
As the tears pour from my eyes
At what?
A voice inside my head?
A voice
But not just a voice
A being
Something that takes over me
Something that controls me
She is no longer human in my eyes
She is no longer human in my mind
She is something else
No human would do this to another human
No human would harm a person like this
Cut after cut
Hospital visit
After hospital visit
What is left after my mind is taken?
After all of my hearts desires
Are erased from my mind
As J shoves me into the darkness
My soul is what is left
And for some reason
It is not enough
My soul is not enough to keep me going
My soul is not enough to keep me alive
I need more
I need mind
I need body
I need a healthier soul
Who damaged my soul?
What past lives did I live to deserve the life I am living
Suffering through so much
Yes I make it out
I make it out on top
Because I am strong
I am stronger than what they all think of me
I am stronger than what they all say
I am strong
For now
But every day
Is a new day
And damn how I hate that saying
Damn the people that say that to me every day
Because I do not know what will come next
What will come tomorrow
Every single day
Is a guessing game
Of happy
Or sad
Present
Or lost
I have no control
My mind has no control
My body moves on command
Knowing we need to keep going to survive
I wish there was no rise
But I wish even more for no fall
YOU ARE READING
It Hurts
Genel KurguThe story of Josephine. My therapist says I am missing something Something important is missing Does it matter? No. If anything is important I would obviously remember it
