Losing Grip | Sabigiyuu

Prove

🐉 Question of the day : are you an extroverted or introverted person🐉

⚠️•• small Mention of Self harm••

I started to take double training with the hope of getting faster than Sabito.
But I did the double training on my own without letting Urokodaki or Sabito know so it was basically a sort of a secret if that's what you wanna call it.
I wanted to prove to sabito that I wasn't weak , I wanted to prove myself to everyone.

I did the double training always when we ate dinner so that meant I only ate in the morning and skipped dinner.
Urokodaki started to ask if I was sick or if I fell back to the state where I would behave depressed.

Oh god , I hated that time of my life so much. It felt awful, it felt awful to get out of bed , felt awful to talk to others , felt awful to see my own life shadder in front of me. Everything was awful.
Yes , I managed to get away from this "phase" or however people call it , a moment in my life , whatever.
But deep down, I always knew that I would still relapse and skip food in a way of self harm. I don't know what got me into this deep hole of sadness and fear, was it sadness for my sister? Blaming for not being enough? Being scared of growing up? Being scared?
But what does it even mean to me to be enough for someone? That's a good question, a question I would ask myself almost every day.
A question that I couldn't answer , the only thing that ever crossed my mind is getting recognition from Sabito for doing things good or anything. My whole life it's always been about proving myself to Sabito, I wanted him to be proud. It's funny.

But enough of that , so as I said ; Urokodaki started to ask if I was sick or if I fell back to the state where I would behave depressed.
My response would be that I wasn't hungry even tho I was.
I just wanted to become strong as Sabito was.
It was very risky that I trained at the sunset , but this was the only time where I wouldn't get caught and embarrass myself.

POV 3rd Person -> In the house of Urokodaki

Sabito , Makomo and Urokodaki ate dinner right now , without Giyuu.
"Say Sabito, do you know why Giyuu won't eat dinner with us?" Urokodaki asked the young boy and he shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know Urokodaki" He said while
Eating his soup ,"you fool don't speak while you're eating , and it's master for you" Urokodaki hissed but the boy kept smirking. "Sabito , show master Urokodaki some respect" Makomo said with a small giggle , Sabito let out a chuckle but at the same time he was worried for his friend.
Why did he always skip dinner?

POV Sabito

I decided to talk to him after dinner.
"The soup tastes amazing" Makomo said and Urokodaki thanked her.
I think no one made ramen like Urokodaki makes them

"I think I will look after Giyuu , the soup was great" I said and got up to go to Giyuu's room.
Giyuu and I had a room next to each other but most of the time he slept in my room because we thought it was fun.
I knocked at his door

...

No response, "Giyuu? Are you there?" I asked , again no response.
Maybe he was ignoring me or was too anxious to say something?
I decided to open his door,-"Sabito?"
I heard a familiar voice saying.

I turned around and saw giyuu looking at me , he was holding a katana.
"Where were you?" I asked , but he ignored my question and went inside his room to place down his katana.
I followed him ,"Giyuu don't ignore me" I grabbed his wrist slightly so he would look at me.
"Uh , I cleaned my katana" He said while not making eye contact.
it was obvious he was lying to me because his sword was dirty and because he was losing eye contact.
I knew that Giyuu could never look me in the eye and lie at the same time, he was too kind.

"And the truth?" I asked ,he again ignored me.
I didn't want to push him to tell me, so I'll leave it at his lie. "So.. sleepover in my room?" I asked , switching the topic to make it less awkward for both of us.
"No , maybe tomorrow" He said and hugged me.
I felt an odd sensation against my cheeks and noticed how nervous I was.
"That's not very manly of you--" I panicked but he interrupted me by hugging me tighter.
After some time he let go of me , for some reason that hug made me feel all fuzzy.

"Oh- well , okay uh , then I'll go to my room. Good night Giyuu" I said and left , I felt so confused why this hug messed with my thoughts like that.
"Good night" giyuu response.
I closed his door and went over to my room to get bed ready.

POV Giyuu (sorry for switching so many POV's)

I watched as Sabito left my room, and felt my heart sink in my chest.
I felt bad for lying to my best friend, I shouldn't lie to him.
I sat down on my bed that was on the ground , and put my legs up to my chest.
This probably looked way more weak than I already am.
I felt a single tear slide down my cheek but I quickly wiped it away.

After some minutes of staring against a wall , I slowly drifted into sleep.