cardigan

Chapter Two

But I knew you
Playing hide-and-seek and
Giving me your weekends

The second time it happened Korra tried.

She had started to try but had failed countless times, tried to get up, tried to walk, tried to speak about it, to her mother, to her mentor, to her father, but the only one who listened was Asami.

Asami never pushed her. She never asked anything of her. She was just there. And that was honestly everything that Korra needed.

Asami remembers how Korra had started to get panic attacks. How she couldn't sleep at night, or how sometimes she woke her up by yelling because of some nightmares she never spoke about. Her parents asked her to room with her because they notices some progress, reluctantly she was hesitant at first, but the green-eyed girl agreed after a heartfelt conversation with Senna.

"Hey, breathe slowly for me now okay, follow my breaths, stay with me now alright."

Asami thought it was funny how she used to pay no mind to the Avatar, how she'd brushed her off as some self-absorbed, arrogant narcissist who wanted to steal her boyfriend. She remembers thinking how stupid she was for it, reminding herself never to underestimate Korra again.

Because here she was, letting herself unravel before the girl, for a second time.

And here she was, reaching out and pulling her through it, for a second time. Her breathing didn't seem to slow though, and she'd prepared herself to get away, she could walk a few steps, to push Asami away because she couldn't control herself in this state. 

But suddenly she started breathing again, properly.

Suddenly, Asami's holding her like she's never going to let her go, worried hands gently massaging her back and soft lips whispering quiet assurances into her ears and her heart.

And Asami thought she really should never have underestimated the Avatar.

Because she's started to regain control again, slowly but surely, she's starting to feel whole again.

Thanks to green eyes and caring hands.

And even though Asami could see Korra felt better now, she let herself stay like that, in Korra's grasp - because at that moment, there was nowhere else she wanted to be, nowhere else that could make her feel this safe. And eventually when Korra releases from the embrace, after placing a small kiss atop Asami's head. The two just take in one another and bask in the solace they've recently discovered in each other's smiles.

And so they smiled - despite the hurting and their broken hearts, they smiled at one another, with everything they had, like their life, depended on it.

And then lips collided once more.

Their lips meet like a car crash or a downpour of heavy rain.

And awakened sensations neither of them knew they were capable of feeling.

Asami hadn't thought about anything else when she leaned in. She doesn't think at all.

And Korra hadn't thought about anything other than the desire for Asami's lips when she lets her.

They kissed to forget, they kissed to feel, to soothe the storm that hung over them.

And it worked.

- 

It dawned on her when she read the first letter. Korra didn't want to look at any of them so she let Asami decide what she wanted to do, reply or ignore.

And Asami had no idea what she was supposed to do. Reading Mako's letter to Korra made her sick. Actually, physically sick to her stomach. She knew there was no way that Korra was going to go back to him, there just couldn't be. He played both of them, and speaking from the heart, Asami would not forgive her, ever. If that happened.

So she threw his letters away and continued to do so until he stopped writing them.

She felt bad at first when there were no more heartfelt Mako letters to read because, in all honesty, she did want to hear what he was up to and how he was doing, despite how they left off their relationship, they were still friends.

But he was a wreck.

Bolin, Opal, and even Kai had tried to get through to him but he simply wouldn't budge. Korra leaving and getting paralyzed took such a toll on him that if anyone who knew him before saw him now they'd stare with an open jaw.

He was confused with his feelings, he didn't know if it was survival guilt or if it was just his old feeling getting in the way because he knew... that he could've done something to prevent everything that happened that day.

"Bolin, I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

He was laying on the floor, with a fever, he'd been out drinking every night for quite some time now and when he decided to stop, his body simply wasn't functioning anymore. The alcohol didn't help him numb the pain, the taste disgusted him, and he hated how he was broke because of some liquor. 

He liked blacking out.

It was peaceful. Not like going to sleep. When he slept, he had nightmares, he would wake up his brother in the middle of the night and while Bolin would try and help him, he always hated how he ruined his nighttime. 

It made him have a glimmer of peace.

There was one time when he blacked out for a week. The only thing heard from him were light snores. And now, he was begging Bolin to give him a bottle of Cactus Juice or Vodka, spirits even beer, he'd drink gallons of beer if it meant getting him a chance to black out again.

Yet here he was, lying in bed with a warm rag on his forehead and Boling trying to feed him some chicken soup.

"Bolin, please."

"I'm trying to help you, idiot. Stop asking me to ruin your life some more."

It took him months to recover mentally let alone physically. Korra had it worse, that is a fact, but Mako was lost somewhere where even his brother couldn't find him. The two girls were gone for half a year when he sent the first letter.

Then seven months when he sent the next two. And nine months when he sent the other three.

A year had passed when he finally gave up on trying to receive a kind of reply from either one of them. He'd gotten better by then, still recovering but much better than he was at the start. Bolin was proud of him when he told him he'd got back into police duty. Heck, he was ecstatic. 

But then everything came crashing down when he found out that Asami had been writing back to Bolin and told him not to tell anyone.

So much for getting better just to find a box of opened letters in your brother's room.

That was the night Bolin found him blacked out on their couch with letters scattered across the living room.

So much for getting better.