I'll Confess
E L E O N O R A ' S P O V :
The definition of love. An intense feeling of deep affection.
An intense feeling of deep affection.
Intense affection.
What is love?
How can a definition of six words describe a feeling every person in the world uses to shape their way of life. People rely on love to guide them through the world. People need love. People want love.
But how many of us actually have it?
"Ellie? Are you up?" Papà's voice lures me out of my half-sedated sleep.
Memories fog my mind, creeping up on me. Rowan. Getting shot. He fooled me. He pretended to love me. My head hurt. My head hurts. My ears feel like they need to pop. My eyes are sewed shut.
I made the same mistake my papà made.
I realize.
The cycle is never-fucking-ending.
My father loved Katerina, thought he loved her. He was played by the temptation of love. The want for something so good.
I always thought he was crazy. How could someone be so blind? How could they be so blinded by a mere emotion? I guess it was my fault to fall for the same trap. I didn't see just how easy it is to be tricked.
Love is vulnerable.
I am vulnerable.
I am stupid.
I am weak.
"Ellie?" Papà brushes my cheek. Finally, I peel my eyes open.
My head hammers. My eyes feel rusted. My joints are dry. I feel beat.
It takes a moment. It takes a moment for my body to feel the pain. For my mind to remember.
Rowan. A liar.
A fucking fraud.
"Ellie?" Papà tries again. He brushes my cheek with his sleeve. "Are you in pain?"
Yes. Yes, so much pain. I feel too much. It's all too much to handle. Yet, none of it feels physical.
I understand it was my fault. I understand that I completely ignored the signs for my own personal benefits. I wanted one person, at least one person who would stay. I thought that Rowan could be my person. My person to stay.
I was wrong. So wrong.
Rowan is close to me yet so distant at the same time. I thought that was useful. Loving him was like pulling an anchor to shore. I was pulling, desperately but in the end, he was too heavy. Too emotionally heavy. Rowan Brown has always had his own demons to carry. I think that's why we'd always gotten along so well.
He was fucked. I was fucked.
Hopeless.
We were always going to be hopeless.
Tragic.
I knew that. I don't know why I'm surprised.
I guess because I thought that one day things would just fizzle out. I never expected the day we part to be the day he tried to have me assassinated.
My life really is a joke.
"Do you need water? What can I do for you?" Papà's voice is like nails digging into a chalkboard. "Ellie—"
YOU ARE READING
Finding Him
Fiksi RemajaBook Two Valerius Armani would do anything for his daughter. He'd even sacrifice his own life for hers. But every sacrifice come with a price and Eleonora Armani had to pay for it. Ten years have passed since Eleonora Armani watched her father get...
