Finding Him

C H A P T E R - F I F T E E N

Old Friends

E L E O N O R A ' S P O V :

"Why aren't you in bed yet?"

My head doesn't turn at papà's voice.

"I was waiting for you. You're home late."

"I know. I'm sorry, I had to stop at my office."

"You don't have to lie." I say, picking my head up from its spot gazing at the tv. "I don't care that you were with her." I'm talking about Allegra. "I'm happy you're happy." And I am.

Papà's eyes turn soft as he takes off his tie. He sits beside me on the couch. "You really don't mind me going out? I lost track of time, I feel guilty." I turn to lean to his side, his arm goes to wrap around my shoulders.

"Just because you're my dad doesn't mean you have to stop living your life."

"I'm not your dad." He whispers, tugging on my shoulders jokingly.

I crack a smile. "Papà." I correct.

"That's better." He kisses the top of my head and my eyes close. I exhale, leaning into my papà further.

I like when he holds me like I'm still a little girl.

"Y'know it's okay to like her." Silence lingers in the air. I continue anyways. "She's good for you. Not everyone will be like mom." I say softly, not caring if he asks.

I know he wants to push but last time this topic came up, the fight wasn't pretty. I'm sure he doesn't want to start it again.

"It's bad for me to mingle outside of the mafia, Ellie. Normal people can't handle a world like ours."

"It's okay to be selfish sometimes." I counter.

He's quiet.

"Last time I was selfish, I watched my world burn from beneath me." He admits lowly. "I won't drag you into that again."

"Y'know for calling yourself the devil, you act like the hero too often."

"I'm only interested in being your hero."

My mind travels back to the fight Naomi and I had. She's mad at me, I know she is. Now I have to add that to the endless list of shit in my life.

Unwillingly, my eyes start to feel heavy and I want to cry. I tuck myself harder into papà's body.

"Hey.. what's wrong?" He asks, brushing my hair down. I choke back on a sob. "What happened, piccolina." The gentle brushes of my hair leave my eyes falling shut from the overwhelming comfort.

I shake my head in his chest. Tears begin to pound on my eyelids.

He waits, hushing me. We stay there for awhile until I'm able to croak out just a few words.

"It's hard." I tell him, he lets me complain. I let some tears fall to his shirt. "Everything is so hard."

"What is, darling?"

"Everything just—," I breathe heavy, my chest heaving up and down. "Nothing ever works out the way it's supposed to."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head immediately. I can't tell papà about Rowan. I'm sure he'll kill him or something. "Ellie, I've been thinking. You've been through a lot and you're so young." He rubs my back to soothe me. "Do you think having a therapist might help you?" He doesn't say it in a condescending way but still, it gives me chills thinking about it.