Finding Him

N I N E

Simpler Times

E L E O N O R A ' S P O V :

Be brave, Ellie.

Be brave, Ellie. Three words I used to hear almost everyday. My papà always made sure I knew who I was, knew how to be strong.

I am an Armani, after all.

Armor is our skin. Heat is in our blood. Courage stays strong in our minds. All applies to everyone in my family but me. I can't help it that I've always felt like the odd one out.

I pretend to be tough but I'm sensitive.

I pretend I'm invincible but paper-cuts hurt.

I pretend I have hot energy coursing through me but I'm quiet.

I pretend I'm brave but I'm not.

I'm just a coward. Forever and always.

I think I will always be protected in my families minds. I wonder if they'll still treat me like a fragile little girl when I come home. I wonder if all this time apart will leave them stuck disappointed with a vision of a brave girl. I wonder if I grew up with papà the way I should of, maybe I would like who I became more than I do now.

As I get closer to finding him, I only fear I'll be a disappointment.

I received a call. I don't know from who but she sounded familiar. She told me she knows where my papà is. She said she can help me find him.

But when you bargain for a deal as big as this.

It comes with a price.

She wants me to help her. I don't know with what exactly. She said she wants revenge. She said she know I can help her get it.

I don't know how I could be of any help with revenge on someone. But if I help her, she'll give me what I want. She'll help me find him.

Papà always said not to talk with strangers but I want to take my chances. I have to.

I'll still look for him on my own. I'll still try to track him down. This will just be my plan B. A plan to fall back on if I fail.

I can't tell my friends or they'll think I'm crazy. Naomi will try to get me not to do it. She's always been the most sane and reasonable.

But it's been too long. Nine years.

Nine years.

"Sorry, Miss." An older man bumps my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Oh sorry! I should've been paying attention." The man just give me a smile and walks along his way.

Daydreaming like always, Eleonora.

I tug my arms tighter together, hoping to disappear.

I find myself at a park. One not far from a school. It's late in the afternoon, almost dusk. The park is almost cleared up except for a single family. A mom, a dad. A boy, a girl. The mom runs after the little boy as he tries escape and—

"Ellie! Ellie come, princess. We have to go!"

I stop in my tracks.

My eyes blur for a moment before it settles on the young father, shouting to his daughter who is swinging on the swing set.

Oh.

Come on, Eleonora.

"But, daddy!" She pouts, but a smile still blooms on her face. "I don't wanna!"

Guilt hits my chest as I step closer to hear their conversation. I shouldn't do this to myself but I can't help it.

"How about I give you something special after dinner, huh?" He winks, grabbing his daughters hand to hold. "But we'll have to go home to eat dinner first."

"What is it? What's the surprise!" The girl eagerly jumps out of the swing.

I hide closer behind the slide as the mom walks over to them, carrying the boy. "Eleanor, come on honey." She smiles softly.

"What about chocolate after dinner?" The little girl's eyes go wide at her father. She jumps in his arms.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"Okay, Ellie. Let's go home."

The four walk away from my view and as the sky gets darker, I step closer to the swing. The only the little girl just hopped off of.

I don't realize I'm crying until I choke on my own cries. They reminded me of simpler times. Times when all that mattered was my papà. I wipe my tears quickly and try to anchor myself.

It's okay, Ellie. Be brave.

God, I miss my papà.

I miss everything about my home.

My Uncles. My Nonno. My Bisnonna and Nana. My stuffed animals. My walls. My bed.

My home.

I want to go home. So bad.

And as the sky fades to black, I look for the biggest star in the sky.

I stare at the bright light and wipe the rest of my tears.

"If you're lost, look up to the sky. When you find the largest star in the sky, it will always lead you home."

"How come that always works?"

"I don't know. I don't make the rules, piccolina. That's just how it always seems to work."

I swallow hard and pull out my phone.

It rings and rings until finally—

"Eleonora."

I take in the woman's voice for a moment. "Hi." When I realize she's not going to say another word, I speak. "I'll do it." Be brave. "I don't care what stupid revenge thing I have to do for you. I don't care, I'll do it." My heart and my head is pounding. "I.. I just want to go home."

There's nothing for awhile. I'm waiting with silence.

Then finally. "Write this down." I pull up the notes app on my phone. "Tomorrow at noon. Go to the bowling alley next to your apartment." How does she know where I live? "I'll have someone come pick you up and bring you here."

"O-Okay. Thank you—"

"You're making the right choice, Eleonora." I breathe out slowly. "Everything is going to fall into place.

God, how little I knew.

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