HEART OF GOLD | CORIOLANUS SNOW

𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙋𝙏𝙀𝙍 18

Between Jason's taunting, Athena declaring the end of their friendship, and Snow insisting that she was a thief, Lilith slept poorly, if at all. She'd anticipated the fitful slumber, of course. Despite the October chill, she'd gone out for a run, both in hopes of tiring herself out and clearing her head. Physical exhaustion had been achieved, but as far as mental peace was concerned, she came up empty.

After the fruitless meeting with Mr. Dolittle, Lilith had tried calling Athena. It rang a few times before the line was cut. Her second attempt flew straight to voicemail, quickly followed by a text from Olympia—a private one, not posted to the trio's group chat.

Give her some space. Talk to her tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Why did everything have to wait till tomorrow? Lilith wasn't the kind of person who put off until tomorrow what she could do today. It felt like she wouldn't last till tomorrow, moreover. But, again, what choice did she have? There wasn't anything she could do today.

Nothing but say how sorry she was.

A good deal of weeping wound up in the voice message she left for Athena. In hindsight Lilith really should have utilized the recording function in the messenger app instead; at least she'd be able to replay it. Unsure how much would actually be intelligible, Lilith shot off a text as well for good measure—just to Athena. The translucent pink speech bubble (you could customise the colour to your preference) was marked by one white tick, indicating it had been sent but not yet delivered, which was to be expected since Athena had shut off her cordless. Lilith had to expend great discipline not to stare at the sign until it changed; the best she could do was to check hourly.

Just before dinner, Lilith saw what stripped her of her appetite, if she had any to begin with: the distinctive pair of black ticks. She hastily swiped left to the read receipt, which informed that her message had been seen at 19:23, all of forty minutes ago. Athena's last seen, however, displayed 19:59. So she'd read Lilith's message, opened their chat anyway, and perhaps communicated with others, but hadn't replied. There wasn't even a reaction; not a mini thumbs down, or sad or angry face emoglyph adorned the bottom corner of the bubble. Nothing. It was practically what she had for dinner.

That night, her legs carried her all the way from the City Circle to Athena's neighbourhood. Lilith was a fast sprinter, but not a shabby runner. On the contrary, she'd won several medals representing the University (and the Academy before that) in various intercollegiate long-distance events. She enjoyed lengthy runs more, too; she could admire the cityscape along her usual route via the promenade, and the exercise relaxed her. Whenever she was troubled, she'd embark on one and feel better afterward—but not this time.

After ten kilometres, Lilith had found herself panting on Athena's street, staring yearningly up at her apartment. Athena's window was still lit: a hazy orange glow filtered through her day curtains. Lilith knew the old, vintage night lamp from which the illumination emanated; she could picture it by Athena's bed. Wondering if Athena was curled up under her rose-printed covers, if Olympia was huddled together with her, offering words of comfort and consolation, or simply company, Lilith had every impulse to push the Clicks' buzzer on the gate, to dial Athena's number, but when she considered what she might say—what she could say, which was nothing more than she'd already, positively nothing of substance at all—she abandoned the thought and ran home.

Throwing herself into bed after a hot shower, Lilith dozed off eventually, only to wake gasping, her face streaked with tears. For a moment she was only aware of the nightmares.

It's only a dream, she thought.

Yes, it was all just one long, bad dream. Monday hadn't come and gone—it was just starting. In a few hours, Mr. Dolittle would post the results of the apprenticeship, and Athena's name would be on it.