His Green Eyes | A Gay Love Story MxM

Denial

Xander couldn't sleep that night. He constantly moved around hoping to find a comfortable position, comfortable enough to silence his mind.

3:45

The clock read.

He looked at the sleeping figure to his side and was instantly overwhelmed with flashbacks of Elliot and how he'd sleep there with the silhouette of his back facing him.

He shook the thought away, instantly turning once again in an opposite direction and hugging his pillow, memories, and thoughts still replaying in his mind like a neverending movie.

Perhaps it was the way Elliot held him earlier or the way his hands felt around his. 

What the fuck am I even thinking?

How do I break this to you, Xander wasn't gay...at least that's what he's been telling himself for the past years. He wasn't exactly straight either, hell he was way far away from that. He hated labels.

Could I be?

He groaned into his pillow in exhaustion. "What am I saying?" He muttered under his breath.

The thought of liking girls didn't sit right with him at all, he thought he had gotten rid of these questions that flooded his mind for years. Those years he spent questioning and wondering why he wasn't attracted to girls.

"All these years of chemotherapy treatment really did fuck with my brain huh." He laughed at himself in pity realizing that he did this to himself.

If he hadn't cowardly buried all these questions for years, he wouldn't have been confused, but it isn't something that can be ignored, it had to come back one day.

He never really opened his heart to guys, mostly because he's been in the hospital since he was 14.

Look what you've done.

If his assumptions about his sexuality were correct, he couldn't act on it. First was that he wasn't sure Elliot liked men and second, he was pretty sure his mom was homophobic.

Fuck what she thinks! I'm going to die and she can't control the last moments of my life.

Suddenly, his eyelids fluttered, getting heavier the more he'd think— consciousness slowly drifting away until he finally dozed off.
______

"You wanted to see me, doctor?" Elliot asked as he took a couple of steps into the old man's office.

He looked up from a bunch of paperwork he had on his desk to acknowledge and welcome Elliot, "Ah, welcome son, here have a seat, make yourself comfortable."

Elliot squeezed his lips and took a seat on a black leather armchair. Lightly picking the skin off his lips he waited for the doctor to say something. He finally fixed his glasses and posture, clasping his hands in front of him and looking at the boy that sat there.

"How'd you like the view last night?"

Elliot instantly shot a piercing gaze at the doctor confused and startled. How the hell? "Look... Sir- Doc-"

"It's okay kid you're not in trouble. But I got to add," he sighed and leaned forward, clearing his throat. "Here at this hospital, you see we try not to make it seem like a prison to our patients. We've installed swimming pools, libraries, playrooms, all of it."

Elliot raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, "Your point exactly?" He asked unamused.

"My point is, everything has boundaries. And here, we try to follow the hospital's policy, and among that is to acknowledge and respect the limits— that includes our patients' limits. "