I liked you, I like you, and I will like you

You liked me, You like me, but you do not love me.

There was a time my fellow readers, where my beloved did love me too.

But love is complicated,

fresh out of rejection from my best friend, to me he flocked,

but I was careful for I knew, he was in a vulnerable state,

I wasn't there all the time, but I was there.

I still liked him, but as usual, I put that aside because what he needed was a friend, not another potential lover.

However I started to notice things, he started appreciating me more, started giving me more attention, caring more than usual, feeling sadder about me moving,

I didn't like all this attention, it felt uncomfortable and clingy, and so I started distancing myself a bit,

however my heart still fluttered at the thought, that he likes me, I mean, I could see it.

but something started happening, my best friend started distancing from me and eventually started ghosting him and me.

Online communication was all the communication we had.

So,

I was hurt,

I was confused,

What was I doing wrong?

he felt the same, he kept asking me if it was because he did something, and I was worried it was because of me.

Unfortunately, it was because of us both.

I tried to contact her but after a month of no replies, my best friend finally broke through and messaged me.

I didn't even read what the message was, all I saw was her notification on my phone that she had sent one, and that was enough for me to break into tears, I was so worn down, it felt like she was always keeping me guessing, and I was just at the brink at this point.

Turns out,

she ghosted us because,

she found out we liked each other.

I want you to think about that for awhile.

She found out I liked him, and that he liked me, and was scared I'd leave her and cause her to be left alone, so she ghosted us both.

I was just too tired to question it,

I forgave her instantly.

I can't believe she was able to defend herself and justify her ghosting and I let it slide.

We already promised each other we wouldn't let a boy get in our way,

We promised we wouldn't ghost each other,

My best friend knows I had no plans to pursue a romantic relationship with him,

Yet she still ended up ghosting me

Her excuses encouraged me to dislike him, and mixed with my feelings of uncomfortableness, we both started resenting him, even making fun of his advances on me, and other things.

I'll be honest some of my cringe towards him was true, but it shouldn't have pushed so far to the point where I was mad at him for liking me.

I remember talking with my best friend and another friend who knows about him liking me.

They said he imagined us having a garden-themed wedding,

to be honest, I blushed, that was sort of a nice idea actually, I hid my reaction in my pillow and pretended to also be weirded out like my friends were.

but now every time he made an advance, I just felt weird and like my friends, even angry.

if it were not for the influence of my friends and my best friend ghosting me, how would things be?

other than this there was some behavior I was generally unhappy with at the time, and it snowballed to the point where we had a big talk in the group chat with him about that.

he confessed to me in a direct message soon after, but he wasn't expecting me to like him back, he just wanted to get it off his chest.

I rejected him, and not just rejected him, I absolutely obliterated him in that rejection.

part of me did that so aggressively so that I could be sure he could never be able to have a crush on me ever again.

so that I could be sure he could never have false hope again.

so that i could be sure i never have false hope again.

But the core reason for my rejection hurts the most.