BEFORE ECLIPSE || JEON JUNGKOOK

THINGS ONE COULD NEVER DO!

CHAPTER: 80

"This... longing, this... anxiousness, this... heartache... who called this feeling love? How could someone label an emotion that renders one as debilitated and ensnared as this, with such a beautiful word?"

-Josephine Westeros

JUNG KOOK's POV

"Have a good day!" was all I said,

"I don't want this if I don't have you" she said and all I was capable of saying was "Have a good day." what an idiot I am.

It wasn't Darrin. It never was, maybe a part of his existence in Y/n's life bothered me but it was never Darrin.

My anger and my frustrations are completely directed only and only toward her. I have my reasons and I am too weak to talk about them, maybe weak is a small word. Perhaps I am just a pathetic human being ever since I was born.

I was always angry. Ever since I was little I was always mad. Jimin and Tae were the only ones I liked being with, they were the only ones who made me happy. They made me less pathetic!

And then I grew up and met Y/n. I fell in love with her and that was when I became pathetic and miserable again.

As I was young I saw a lot that a small kid shouldn't see. Life didn't do much justice to me. My father stole my childhood. It was as if I never lived! It's as if I died long back.

There are a lot of things I have learned on my own, one being the most helpful is ignorance. Hence, ever since I had a problem in my life I ignored it. My father, my mother, anyone or anything I just let it slide.

Y/n was the only one who I couldn't ignore. Her problems, her sufferings, her heartbreaks, it was always her, her and her who I couldn't ignore. And I guess that is why I am still pathetic.

I was a happy man.

The day when I completely had y/n was the happiest day of m life, though it was a myth. The day I knew I was going to be a father made me happier than Y/n's love which again was a myth!

I don't blame her, I never will. Maybe we were just destined to be destroyed and have our hearts broken; Y/n by life and me by her.

I fear myself the most, sometimes. I have always had anger issues but if I explode it takes a lot for someone to piss me to that level for me to explode.

It's true, yes I struggle with anger issues but as I grew up I learned how to keep my calm and not explode. When I was young, I used to have outbursts but now as I am older and wise I know how to keep myself.

Part of the reason I chose to study law was because there were a lot of injustices done to my mother, me and partly Jimin. And because I couldn't help her or myself or Jimin I chose to help others.

After what I did to Y/n I can't look at myself. It was wrong.

It's wrong to her, bigger than what she did to me! What I did is unforgivable and I should be punished. And letting her out of my life will be my biggest punishment.

I will not lie and I hate to say this but I see my father in myself and it's the most absurd thing I have to live with. The fact that his filthy blood runs into my blood stings me every second I breathe.

At one point in my life, it was as if I forgot to live because of him. I despise him because he broke me in every way possible, and I am scared if I continue things with Y/n I will start to despise her too and it won't come out good, I know that for sure! I would break her.