photographs - a.t

im not.. mad.

vada

*knock knock*

today has been one of the good days since my dads passing. and i'm mostly convinced it's because playing billie has helped me through it.

*knock knock knock*

i've been picking up around my room for a couple hours now. i'd say it's about clean right now. i pop one of my headphones out of my ear to hear pounding on my door.

who the hell could be pounding at my door at 10 in the morning.

i walk over towards my door and twist the handle, opening it to see ashtray standing there with some flowers in his arm.

specifically roses.

my weakness.

"what are you doing here?" i asked, inviting him into my room. thank god i finished cleaning it. "you weren't replyin to my texts." he sat the flowers on my vanity. "i muted everyone." i closed the door. "you also weren't answering my calls." he sat on my bed. "my phones been on dnd. look i'm sorry about that, and i'm so thankful for the roses. but why are you here?" that came out harsher than i thought.

"i just needed to see your face." he stood up. his hand made a it's way to cup my face, than eventually he pulled me into his arms. i didn't know what to do, so i just wrapped my arms around his torso.

"i lowkey thought you were dead ma." he murmured into my shoulder. is he going soft on me? "don't exagger-" "no, i did. i really thought your ass was dead for a second." he pulled away, with his hands on my shoulders.

i look at the ground. i feel bad. "are you mad?" i look back up at him. "i'm not.. mad. i'm just- i wish you told me what you were going through." he put his hands on the back of my neck, rubbing with his thumbs. "well, i think, i'm okay now." i smile. putting my hands on his arms. he continued rubbing the back of my neck, until i lowered his arms and set them on my waist.

i wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head against his. we stayed there for a little while.

authors note
i start school on tuesday.
lol.

i'm scared. i'm gonna.. u don't wanna know.