Proposal

Chapter 19

A quick shower later and the two were cuddling on John's couch, too tired to do much else. Tony looked up at the man, trying to make sure that he'd engrained every line into his memories. When John looked down at him and smiled in confusion, he just smiled back. "What's wrong?" His lover lightly ran his fingers through his hair and he wished the man wouldn't be so nice to him. If John had been an asshole, this whole thing would be much easier, he knew that.

"John... I'm sorry." The way the man's face fell instantly told Tony that he probably should have started with something else. It was as though all emotion had been sucked out. The man shifted, unwrapping his arm from around Tony's shoulders and scooting a bit farther away. "I was hoping I had more time here, but... The business is done and we leave tomorrow for home. Honestly, I wish I could stay but-"

"Than stay." Now the emotion was back full force. The pain that gleamed in the man's eyes was practically palpable. Tony shook his head and forced himself to look forward.

"It's not that simple. I want to stay, you have no idea how much I want to stay here, with you. But I can't. My family-"

"So what about your family!" Once again the man cut him off, making everything more difficult than it already was. "Fuck your family! You're a grown ass adult, you can do what you want and if you wan to stay here, stay!" Again, he shook his head.

"You don't get it, John. You don't know them. You don't know what they're like! I can't just do whatever I want. It's not allowed!" How did he make it clear to the man without explaining who his family was, what they did and what their rules were. How was he supposed to make the man understand how much fight this would take? How dangerous it was? He watched John roll his eyes and push off the couch to pace the room. "I want to stay John, I really do. You have to believe me. But if I just stay without getting permission from my father, I'll be hunted. And if they find out about you?" He didn't even want to say what would happen out loud. Tony could only watched as the man shook his head and took a deep breath, the emotions once again getting shoved to the side.

"Of course. I understand." Something about the calm and collected response was even worse than the man telling him off. The tears welled up in his eyes before he could even attempt to stop them.

"John-"

"Its okay, I get it. Honestly, I should have seen it from the start. It happens all the time." The man shrugged casually. "I don't know why I thought you'd be any different from them." Tony shook his head as the man calmly walked to the door and opened it. "I believe we're done here, yes?" Done? No, he wasn't done. He didn't want this. He didn't want any of this. But what more was there to say? Clearly his lover wasn't going to listen to him anyways, not yet at least. And he only had a few hours before his brother would be shuffling him into the car to go home. Reluctantly pushing off the couch, Tony slipped on his shoes and grabbed his things. Stepping outside the door, his heart sank and he turned around one more time. He opened his mouth to speak, but the door closed before he could.

The walk back to the hotel was a long one, and y the time he got there, even most of the staff had gone to bed. Reaching the room, though, he found that Al still wasn't back. Changing into pajamas, Tony dropped himself into bed and curled into a ball. Why did this hurt so much? Wasn't this just supposed to be a fun little fling on a useless trip to nowhere? Lying in bed, he tried to get his mind to think of something else, but he just couldn't. All he could do was see the flash of betrayal on John's face a second before all emotion was washed away. There was no denying that he'd hurt the man the same as everyone before him. All of the stories he'd heard over the past week of men and women seemingly using and then dumping the man after having their fill of a good time. Unlike them, however, he didn't want to.