secrets

12

I feel someone lay on me, squishing me.

"Get off me you fat fuck" I say, Andy may not look that heavy but holy cow, I don't know how he isn't breaking my ribs.

"You think I'm fat?" He asks

"No. but you way about 200 pounds" I say "so get off me"

"Okay" he says and rolls over so I'm laying on him.

"My friend is getting married Tomorrow, your coming with me" he says

"Okay?" I say why is he telling me this now? This isn't really news you tell someone the day before that it's happening.

"What?" He asks

"How come you didn't tell me sooner?" I ask

"Well. it slipped my mind" he says.

Andy's POV:

With all the worrying about Journey I forgot to tell her not to mention that I couldn't think straight, still can't. I'm always worrying about her. worrying about it she's going to start cutting again, if she hasn't already. it's always a possibility that she's lying to me. I hope not but there is a possibility she is. I don't even know if this therapy is helping her or making it worse. I just want her to be happy and get better. meaning not cutting and trying to kill herself.

After cuddling for a bit I get up an go the the bathroom. as I wash my hands I can't help but wonder if she has any blades. I open the makeup drawer and look through it, I can't finds any. okay, she could be hiding them somewhere else. I sigh and look myself in the mirror, I look pretty okay. I know I should t but I'm going to. I take a selfie and I have to take a few till I get a really nice one. I post it to my Instagram and Twitter. I head back to the room and hear Journey talking. I listen in.

"I want to die" she says "this therapy is making things worse and I don't know what to do" ... "I'm going cause it makes Andy happy and he doesn't seem so worried about me" ... "I know I should but, I don't know, how to tell him" ... "I have to go every three days" .. "Saturday" ... "no cause he drives me there" ... "no I don't like going and it's even worse cause I have to lie to him" .. "everything. about how it was and yeah" ... "yes" ... "Jen it's not that easy" ... "no he's not talking to me" ... "why? Cause he tried to kiss me and I told him no I have a boyfriend" .. "no we weren't dating at that time, I just used it as an excuse" he giggles.

I run my hand through my hair and head to the kitchen. I want to die, repeats in my head. fuck! I call and cancel her appointment for Saturday. I don't want to make it worse for her, I can't lose her. she means so much to me and if she kills herself because of me I don't know what I would do. I don't know what would become of me. I call ash, to many things going through my head right now.

"Hey what's up?" He answers

"Are you busy?" I ask

"No, why?" He asks "what happened? is everything okay?"

"Nothing it's just i need to talk to you, can I come over?"

"Yeah" he says

I leave a note and head out the door. I should probably tell her but she's on the phone with Jennifer.

Journeys POV:

After a long time of talking to Jen we say bye and I head do stairs. I see a note and it's from Andy. he went to Ashleys. that means I'm alone.

Later that night Andy puts his hands on my hips and I jump out of his arms. shit.