secrets

20

I told the guys about my past, leaving out some details. ash gives me a long hug, he know a fair amount before but now the all know a lot.

"I have tried to quite cutting, but nothing has worked. rubber bands, colouring, anything. iv tried everything. I was going to a therapist before my brother pasted away, but I haven't seen her since" I say

"Oh. honey" ash says

"And something I don't like telling people is my first boyfriend he just ..." I trail off thinking about it.

"Did what?" CC asks

"Hit me. call me names. kidnapped me. raped me." I say "my second cheated, and called me names. why I don't trust people" I say "my best friend turned against me. telling the whole school things and most people didn't even bother bullying me cause I wasn't worth there time"

"Does andy know?" Jinxx asks. I shake my head, no.

"I haven't told him cause I don't tell people about them. Only one person knows, and I would trust her with my life" I say

"Who's the other person?" Jake asks

"My best friend Jennifer. but she doesn't know my brother is gone" they look at me "I haven't talked to her in a while" ... "guys please don't feel bad for what has happened. it's pasted, it's not important, so please just forget about it" I say "now what are we going to do about Any?" I ask changing the subject.

"Hum. go up. try and talk to him and get him down here or we could all just go jump on him" CC says

"I'll try and talk to him. but if it doesn't work you guys then can dog pile him" I say getting up and walking to the bedroom.

Andy is just laying there, staring at the ceiling. It's been a week and he's gotten worse. maybe I should leave his life, move out and never talk to him again. I have drove him into depression, I guess I do really make a mess wherever I go.

"Andy" I say softly. doesn't move. "andy?" I walk over to the side of the bed and his eyes are closed. I take notice to his breathing, OH MY GOD!!! I pull my phone out and dial 911.

After tell them that I found my boyfriend practically dead in the bedroom. I call the guys and I'm just in tears. soon were in the hospital and Ash takes me outside trying to comfort me.

"Honey. shhh. calm down.. it's not your fault" ash says

"But it is" I say "if I hadn't cut in front of him this wouldn't have happened!" I say still crying

"You don't know that" he says.

"I don't need to lose another person I love" I say sobbing uncontrollably.

"Shhh. I know" ash says

Ashleys POV:

I want to tell Journey it will be okay but I don't think it will. I don't want to say he'll be fine and he'll make it through and have him not. and if he does die, end of BVB to. not to mention what will happen to Journey. lost her brother a week ago or something like that, and it killed her inside.

Soon were sitting down. I have her cradled in my lap, rocking her gently. CC comes out to see if she okay. I'm amazed she's still here. she has been through so much fucking bull shit and I imagine the attempted suicides and selfharm don't help. CC goes back inside, while I try and calm her down. she's calmed down a little bit.

"Ashley" she says "maybe I should just go. hide, where no one can find me. I make a mess wherever I go. I drove my boyfriend to suicide"

"But I'll miss you if you leave" I say

"But you will soon forget about me" she says

"I could never forget you. not even if I tried" I say. I draw circles on her back with my finger,

"I don't want to live anymore ash" she says leaning her head on my chest.

"But I don't want to lose you. CC would be fucking heart broken"

Soon she's done crying so we head into see Andy. the guys are still in the waiting room. we sit down. I notice Journeys dead expression, eyes dual and almost lifeless. just like how she was after her brother died. I give CC a worried look and he looks at her.

"The guys waiting for Andy Biersack" a doctor says. we get up and walk over to him. "Well. I have good news and bad news, what do you want to hear first?"

"Good news" CC says

"Well. the good news is he will be okay, the bad news is he's going to have to be here for the next week or two.

"Why?" I ask

"We just want to make sure he's not going to try it again" he says

"Can our friend see him?" I ask pointing to Journey.

"Yup" he says

He takes us to the room and I go in with Journey. I walk beside her and when she sees Andy, she just collapses. luckily I cough her.

For the next week Journey is not herself. she punched a brick wall, witch broke her hand. fucking smart. I check on her a lot, I walk into the house and she's sitting looking out one of the big floor to ceiling windows that look out to the backyard. sitting on the floor, knees up the he chest and head on her knees. I just wish everything would go back to normal. back when no one was trying to kill themselves, and it wasn't so fucking complicated. Andy coming back today so hopefully it will cheer Journey up. I make her a hot chocolate adding whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top. I hand it to her.

"Thanks" she says taking a sip.

"Your welcome" I say

"If I just disappeared, but told you where I was. would you tell the guys?" She asks

"Only if you wanted me to" I say

"Iv been thinking. maybe I should go to London and stay there a while" I say

"Would I still get to talk to you?" I ask

"Yeah" she says

"I don't know. why don't you just see how it is when Andy gets back, stay for a week at least and if things are still shit, go away for two weeks or so" I say

"Okay" she says and hugs me.