sweet tooth - karl jacobs

chapter 23- one night

tw // angst, intrusive thoughts, anxiety

i don't cry.

i don't scream.

i don't cause anymore of a scene.

i just do as i'm told.

i head to the back, take my name tag off, untie my apron, then grab my car keys. i leave the store, feeling every single eye on me as i exit.

the entire walk home, i'm shaking. i feel numb. i feel empty.

with every step i take, reality sets in more.

i have no job.

i have no friends.

most of my family wants nothing to do with me.

once i finally make it back to my apartment, i break out into uncontrollable sobs.

it's over.

i don't do anything for the next hour.

i just lose it.

i let myself be sad. i let myself cry. i let myself scream into my pillow.

i don't know what time i fell asleep. but i do know that it was a very unpleasant slumber. all i could see in my dream (more like nightmare) were the faces of the kids, my ex-coworkers tormenting me, and the words "you're fired" replaying over and over again.

i feel myself wake up in a cold sweat. i glance at the clock on the wall and notice how late it is. 1:01 am, to be exact.

reality sets in once again as i recall all the moments from my nightmare. and how it wasn't a nightmare at all. it was reality.

the intrusive thoughts come tumbling back for what feels like the millionth time that day. i  have no job, i have no friends-

my eyebrows raise and the train of thought halts.

i do have one friend...

i don't know what comes over me in the next moment. all i remember is reaching for my phone and scrolling through my contact list. i remember making my way to the j section, and calling the contact right at the top. i remember it ringing two times before i hear a voice at the other end of the line.

"haven?" karl asks, worry laced in his voice. "are you okay? why are you up so late?"

i don't say anything. i just start crying.

"oh my god, shit, please talk to me haven, what's going on?"

"i-" i sniffle, attempting to compose my thoughts. "i'm alone."

"huh? no you aren't. you have me. i'll always be here for you, blondie. just tell me what's going on so i can help you."

"i don't know what to do. i don't know what's going to happen now. my head's a mess."

karl remains silent for a couple of seconds, and his delay of a reaction leads me to bursting into tears again.

"i'm on my way over," he says suddenly.

"you don't have-"

before i can finish my sentence, karl hangs up.

i groan at myself. what is wrong with me? i've spent so long shielding myself from caring for anyone deeply, and now karl has ripped all of my defense mechanisms away from me. i feel safe around him. i feel comfortable.

i feel happy.

though tears are still spilling from my eyes, i find myself smiling.

he's such a good person.