failing at life BTS

Sleep

As I have stated in my previous chapters, I have trouble sleeping. Well, right now it's not as bad because I can at least fall asleep (it's actually real easy now since I'm always so tired), but I still don't get enough of it. Everyone's always like "oh nichole is the most energetic person ever she's never tired she's always happy yadayadayada"

Well, I'm not, okay? Not everyone is? I don't like people who say stuff like that, I don't know why but it irritates me when people say I'm energetic or happy or just say they understand me. Because sometimes you don't. You just don't. Things are different for everyone and I understand that. You may say that you have the same kind of issues I have, and yeah they might be in the same house but that doesn't mean they're in the same room. —>btw that totally makes sense im so proud :)

I didn't really wanna rant cuz it comes off as kinda mean when I do it, but I just felt like I had to. I also really dislike people calling me mean. I have my reasons, don't be so quick to judge. I'm just a bit more blunt. And it's not even like I want to be, I'm just that way so deal with it.

You may think I'm directing this at certain people, but I just want all y'all to know. It's nothing bad, none of you are doing anything wrong, everyone's entitled to their own opinions and I understand that. I just....just try to lay off with the labeling.

Well, that got off topic...ANYWHO, I just wanted to say that I'm tired. And not just physically, but also emotionally, just everything-y. I wish I could just take a week off school and get some real sleep, but sadly, I can't. And part of the reason is because I won't let myself.

SLEEP IS NICE, BUT TO ME IT'S BASICALLY THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. If you've read all my stuff, then you probably know that I'm actually terrified of the dark. Always have been. I just don't like the feeling of not being able to know what or who is waiting for me in places I can't see. I'm not a big fan of uncertainty. I just wish I could get over it, ya know?

Another thing, I have really weird dreams. And most times, not in a good way. I've had nightmares for most of my life, I'm totally serious about this. When I was a kid, I used to wake up at almost the same time every night and run to my parents' room. I used never be able to go back to sleep at that time unless someone was with me. It was awful, but it's gotten better over the years. Either that or I've just gotten used to it and it doesn't bother me as much anymore.

This definitely did not go as I wanted it to, but eh, life's like that. Main point: I need more sleep, even though it's the worst part of my day...most of the time. BESIDES THE DAYS THAT I DREAM ABOUT MY CRUSHHHH HEHEHEHEHEHEH AND NO IM NOT TELLING YOU WHO HA.

-nicholeisabelle