failing at life BTS

Peer Pressure

Confession time:

Sometimes I feel like the pressure my friends, or just people in general, give me makes me do worse than how I would actually do if they just let me be. I still write, maybe not for the stories that you want me to, but they're my stories and if I'm not in the mood to write for these stories then I won't. Because I know myself better than you do, and I know for a fact that if you pressure me into writing something I don't know how to continue at the time, it's just gonna turn out to be a bunch of crap. And then you're going to complain about it and change my entire story.

I don't want that to happen, so just give me some space and time in the area, and I'm sure that, at some point, I will get back to it. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the support you guys, my friends IRL, are giving me in the writing area, but I'm just saying that I don't want to feel like you guys are making me write. I do appreciate you guys, you're great friends, and I wouldn't want to spend my time in stupid school with anyone else, well at least most of the time. I'm just saying don't give me pressure on this, stop making me feel stressed out about it. My anxiety's bad enough without the help of other people, I really don't need you guys to be saying things, not mean not bad just kinda pushy, and make me feel bad about not doing what you think I should be doing.

You should know how much I care about this kind of stuff; not wanting people, especially myself, to feel like they have to do something because of someone else. You should've noticed out of all of the things that I do in my everyday life. You should know not to try and talk me into doing something. Let me figure things out for myself, it's just better that way, for me and for you. Trust me on this, okay?

So, like I said, I will go back to writing my other stuff, guys, just give me some time and don't keep pushing me to do it, you're just going to make things worse. Y'all are great friends, really, just sometimes you get a bit carried away. I've noticed that I might be too, and I've been trying to stop for years: Old habits die hard. But just for someone like me, I really, really just need the time and space to be able to be independent and work on some of my own personal stuff before I can continue to work on my writing, okay?

And this isn't just limited to writing, it's the same with reading.

End of zhe confessiooon.

Please don't take this too personally, or ice me out, you guys. I feel like every time I've posted something new that kinda involves you guys, you guys get mad or something and ignore me. Or that may just be me and my paranoia.. Just- I write this for myself, to get things off my chest, and if you feel like you can't handle what I talk about, then stop reading it. I've never forced you to read this story and so if you don't want to, it's totally fine. Just don't be upset with me the next day, or something.

end of unclarified confession numero dos

So yeah...not as chirpy as the stuff I've been posting lately, but I just wanted to get this out there, ya know? I'm always contemplating whether to post stuff because I don't want my friends to find out, but they read my stuff. I don't necessarily want them to, though thanks for the support guys, but they do anyway, and I can't exactly stop them. So I hold back on a lot of things that I don't talk to people about, and that sucks cuz that means I have to keep it all to myself. And I know a diary isn't an option because I'd get rid of it almost as quickly as I started it. So...yeah, I'm stuck with this..not that it's a bad thing or anything. I'm just saying.

-nicholeisabelle