perfect symmetry | zach louis

five.

I bounced my leg anxiously as I sat alone in a starbucks in bloomington, illinois. I stirred an iced latte, scanning the room.

this was probably one of the weirdest things i'd ever done. a week ago, I had never done so much as even downloading a dating app to meet someone online. today, I was in a starbucks two hours from home, alone, to meet a man from the internet. a man from a web show I liked who just happened to be on vacation in a city a few hours from me.

we had decided to meet up roughly halfway between st. louis and chicago, seeing as he had to borrow his family's rental car for the day to do so. that landed us in bloomington, a city I had never been to other than passing through a couple times. we had agreed to meet up for coffee. his idea.

just in case, I sent my location to my best friend, emma, and sent her every piece of information I had about zach that I could scrape up. however, I didn't feel nearly as concerned for my safety as I did about what he'd think of me. he'd seen me only via instagram posts at this point, and I couldn't help but worry about if he'd still be interested after meeting me.

before I could continue worrying, my phone pinged. my stomach churned.

z: be there soon comma I can't find parking

I smiled at his attempt to voice-to-text. my nerves heightened as I realized he was within feet of me at this point. I tried not to think about how this was probably the only chance I would have to see him for the forseeable future. it was particularly hard for me to not think about how things would progress between us, given the distance.

I looked up as the bell on the glass front door rang. towering over the coffee shop, there he was. he was donning a pale blue denim jacket over a black button up camp shirt, with black hair to match. he was gorgeous. he caught my glance and sped over to me.

"carson!" I stood up and he embraced me in a hug. "so good to meet you finally".

"you too!" I grinned, pulling away to look at him. "how was the drive down?"

"I don't think i'll be returning to illinois" he chuckled.

"that bad?" driving in the midwest was quite boring, to be fair.

"oh yeah," he said under his breath. "i'm gonna grab a coffee."

he walked over to the cashier, and I sat back down. I texted emma while I waited.

c: he's here, he's real. hasn't kidnapped me yet

e: YET. keep me posted!

he walked back over to me, iced black coffee in hand.

"that was fast." i commented as he sat down across from me.

"I just get iced coffee, so it's pretty quick," he fiddled with the cup. of course he did. we sat in silence for a moment. "so, here we are." he remarked, awkwardly.

I laughed. "this is so weird, isn't it?"

"it really is," he smiled at me. "you should have heard me try to explain to my dad that I was skipping a day of vacation to come see a girl. he kept asking me if I was really that desperate."

"which you are." I joked. he scoffed before taking a sip of his coffee.

we chatted for an hour or so, about his trip, our families, and our jobs.

"it's weird, for sure, having so much of yourself online in that way," I nodded along. "like I was just a guy who liked the show and now people have opinions on everything I do. but then again my support system there is really good. like they're probably some of my best friends."

"it's totally the opposite at my company. I just don't feel like anyone there really gives a shit about me, just that projects get done."

"have you thought about leaving?" he questioned.

"well yeah, I love marketing, I just don't think I can stay there for much longer. there's just not a ton of work in st. louis right now, but i've lived there my whole life and never really considered going anywhere else."

"I'm the same way with california. i've always been there and don't really see myself leaving. so many of my friends from high school moved to other states, but I never really felt the urge to." he looked out the window.

"you have a good reason to stay, though, with your music, right?"

"honestly, i never knew if that would actually go anywhere. i've only recently started taking it more seriously, and doing more shows. I still don't know if anything more will come of it." he acted so humble about it, but it was impressive to me how much it had grown since he joined the show.

"well, I find you incredibly talented," I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms matter-of-factly. "and even since starting the show, I feel like you've really grown."

"well, thank you. that means a lot. it's just what I want to do the rest of my life, you know?"

I wished I had something I loved like he loved music. I hadn't quite found something I wanted that badly. he seemed so passionate, about everything.