Balotelli-Bale Series Book #4: THE OTHER MAN PART 1

Chapter 60: Toxic Nick

"...one of the hardest things to admit
is that you are the toxic one
in the relationship..."

Nick's POV
I thought of skipping the funeral but I ended up attending. I hid myself among the tall tombstones, watching from afar. Seeing her in pain broke my heart. How she kept stopping in the middle of the eulogies made me wish I could get closer to just hold her hand and assure her that I am here for her. But I couldn't move my feet. I was too ashamed to show my face because of how much I have failed this woman.

I enticed her into an affair.

I pushed her to pursue a divorce.

I pulled away when this is got hard and left her to fend for herself.

I am angry that she can never know what I have done for her. I want to be equal and even greater than Sinclair. I would like for her to see my sacrifice was greater but in telling her that, I also tell her that I'm responsible for bringing a storm into her life and I left her dancing in it alone.  I will have to admit that Keith's death is on me. I'm struggling to come to terms with his death. So while I choke on my unsaid words, Sinclair plays the hero.

I am not a hero but for her I want to be. My conscience tends to go on vacation but with her, it is present and accusing me of failure. Amongst the tombstones I hid, wearing a hoodie and sunglasses. I'm embarassed to even think that my actions can qualify as supporting her. I hid like a coward while she stood in front of people even with the stain on her name. The stain I put there when I decided to make her the other woman, my mistress. I made her the object if criticism, shame and hate.

I left before the funeral ended.

I went to a liquor store, bought myself five bottles of whiskey and I brought them to Helena's penthouse, where I'm taking shelter with Maddie as I figure shit out. My dad is here. My mom is here. Lupe and Julio already went to Florence. The plan is that we all follow but until I'm officially cleared of all charges, I can't leave.

"So how are you doing?" Cole broke the silence.

None if them have ever seen me like this. They are obviously surprised that a man so we'll put together could crash like this.

They all went to the funeral. Even Tony went as half hearted we he was about it. Mom forced him. Dad attended. Gio sat it out. He is still in the guest room as quiet as the grave yard.

"I don't know how to answer that." I responded. "But if you want to tell me 'I told you so' then tell me."

"I can't say that to you. You fell in love and there is nothing wrong with that. Perhaps how you went about it is the reason it all went to hell but it's too late to regret. It would be better to move on."

"How was she?" I asked them. "Did you guys speak to her?"

They looked at each other. Ferrer cleared his throat. "I spoke to her. She is trying her best. She is obviously sad but... Sinclair was there, faithfully by her side."

"I don't trust the bloody bastard!" Tony voiced his opinion. "He swooped in at the perfect in moment. Calling it a coincidence is a lie."

"I have known Sinclair for years. He's a straightforward guy. He speaks his truth. He tends to scheme but he doesn't pretend and maybe that is what Kei needs right now." Bruce caught my attention.

"Someone who doesn't pretend?" I asked my best friend. I'm offended that he's taking Sinclair's side right now!

"Yes." He answered with his eyes locked with mine. "It's hard for you to hear it but you can't be with Kei and not lie to her!"