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Cali Serenity
One week Later
You know the worst part about going to bed for me? Going to bed alone and waking up to silence.
That has been my reality for the past going on two weeks and I was b beyond sick and miserable.
I had so much distress getting out of bed in the morning. I wasn't satisfied with my life right now because it seems like everything is crumbling right before my eyes.
Kross is still detained, I have clinicals to do and because I'm pregnant, I'm super hormonal and emotional that I can't even do my rounds without stopping in a nearby bathroom and drying my tears.
Ever since that talk with my dad, I felt even more like shit but that's because I knew he was right but I didn't want to think about all of that shit right now.
If it wasn't for me having clinicals, I'd probably be in the same position that I found myself in every night; a fetal position crying while holding on to one of Kross's shirts.
I could go on and on about how much I missed Kross laying next to me, holding me in his arms and one hand on my stomach.
Feeling his chest go up and down on my back as he inhaled an exhaled as he slept peacefully, the nights I would just watch him sleep and my heart would be so full because this man is really the love of my life.
I know my mom and dad want me to come back home but that is not their position or place to tell me what to do, regardless if they have my best interest at heart. I have to do what I feel is right for me and my unborn child.
Life is lifing at the fullest and I am 23 weeks pregnant now. I suppose to find out the gender on my next visit and one minute I think I'm having a boy then I go and say I'm having a girl.
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At this point, I don't know what I am having and I feel like I am losing myself with all this chaos going on.
It was 5 am in Los Angeles and I was lying in bed with my body pillow beneath me as tears fell down my cheeks as I laid in the darkness.
