Start again Chapter II

Part 38

Zayn's POV

I am now, sitting, alone, like a fucking loser at the bar. I already drank 2 shots since the party started, in fact! This is my fucking party, i should be the one who have the most great time than these mother fuckers.

Fuck! I feel like a total loser!

"Anything?" I asked Niall who just say infront of me, with his eyes looking at me in a worried look.

"No, sorry" He sighs, looking down at his hands before looking back at me again. I clench my fists, and bang my fist on the glass table and causes it to shattered to pieces, and my hands got little cuts on it.

But, i don't feel a bit of pain of the cuts, i only can feel the pain of cuts inside my heart.

"Dude, you alright?" I shove Louis hand from my shoulder fastly, and gave him a glare.

"Dont. Touch. Me" I greethed my teeth, giving the both of them deathly glares.

"Zayn, Pa-"

"I don't fucking care! She's NOT coming!" I shouted, not i planned to, but this what happends when my temper got really high.

"Sorry, sorry" I whimpered, taking a few breath, relaxing breath, and look down on my knees.

"It's alright, man" Louis patted my back, and sigh.

"Yo, dude, i found a girl, i think she's new, she's so hot, what do you think? Should i?" He asked, nudging the both of his eyebrows, making me chuckle, and look at him.

"Yeah, go ahead" I shrugged, drinking another shot.

"Sick, oh, Niall, Uh-Don't you remember what i told you to do?" Louis nudge Niall who is looking at him weirdly and confusedly.

"What? You did-"

"Yeah, that one, come on" Louis weirdly dragged Niall from the chair, and dragged him out of my view.

I sigh, looking at the my fist which is started to turn a bit blue, but i don't care. It doesn't hurt.

I look down to the shattering glasses from the glass i just punch, i saw myself, weirdly. Horribly. Broken.

And i kept thinking, is it over for me and Amanda? Is this the end of our relationship?

I kept hearing Amanda's voice in my mind, calling for my name, forming a really bad heart-ache and really bad stomache-ache.

Somehow, i heared her voice getting more louder, closer, and clearer. I started to feel my eyes getting a bit wattery, and they are about to come out.

It's really ridicolous you know, 3 or 4 months ago, i was a careless man, who takes girls every night, never not came to any party, but, after i met her. Amanda Rivers.

My life started to change.

She made want to be a better man.
She made me feel to stop everything i used to do.
She makes me feel free. Light. Happy. Joy.

But, i don't know. If she is out from my shitty life, i have no idea what should i do..

I'm afraid to come back to my old self. To my bad self.

I need her. She's my cure.

I miss her hugs so much, the way her arms hold tight on my body, my torso. The amazing way her warmth crawl to my body. I felt happy.

And here i am, feeling the beautiful sensation of her hug once more.

I could feel her arms around me, her warmth, her scent, her jokes, her hair that covers my face all the time.