from Time to Time | Lucius Malfoy

Before the wedding

1991, 1 week before the wedding

"Narcissa, I didn't want to dictate anything to you, I just want to help you-" - "You help me? Don't make me laugh, ha ha ha ha! Since you've been here, we've got more problems than usual! You can fool someone else, I know exactly what a dirty game you're playing, you... you... you bitch!First you make Severus' head and then you make a move on my man, isn't one enough for you? You... you... you sex addict bitch!"

When I walked into the house this morning, knowing that Lucius and Draco would be in Diagon Alley for a suit fitting, I had no idea it would escalate like this between Narcissa and me. She blamed me for the last 20 miserable years of marriage, she hated me deeply and wished me only the worst. And why? Because she saw that Lucius accepted in me what he never wanted to accept from her... could... love.

"I'm not having an affair with your husband, that would be ill!" - "You're ill!" Thanks. Very ripe. Somehow I even understand Lucius... You can't love that woman... No, that was mean. Narcissa must be a lovely person and she has so much to give... it's a shame Lucius can't accept it, why is that? Was it that bad when I left? Did Abraxas make his life that hell?

"And now you also want to forbid me a glass of wine? Pah!" - "It's 9 o'clock... in the morning... I don't want to forbid you, I just want to prevent it from becoming a habit. Look, Lucius would certainly like it if-" - "If you blow him? Yes, definitely. Go away, you whore!" It was just not possible to have a normal conversation with her. She was convinced that everything was my fault... her situation, which existed before I came into their life together Lucius kicked.

Doors were banged open and closed, vases smashed against the wall, there was screaming, howling and at the end a carpet was set on fire. In the end we managed to have a halfway civilized conversation. Narcissa was finished. Her eyes were swollen, her face was soaked from the constant tears, and her hands were shaking. She told me that Lucius loved me...always did...and that there just wasn't room for another woman in his life. Never would have been... His thoughts were always with me and he blamed himself for my leaving at the time. He was sure that one day Narcissa would go too and therefore didn't want to allow any feelings. Yes, he was actually pretty sure that he couldn't feel love in the romantic sense...

It was all so sad and I just didn't know how to deal with it... I made my way home around noon, a drunk Narcissa was left alone in her bed in her room, on a different floor from her husband's, return.

"It's not your fault." Severus was serious. Me, too. "Yes, think about it, Sev. He has separation anxiety... he's afraid if he were to love her and allow himself to be loved that." then one day she leaves. Even if he drives her away with this behavior and she leaves him one day, he could always convince himself that at least love wasn't to blame." - "What nonsense..." I rolled my eyes, he just didn't want to understand! Of course I wasn't to blame for everything, but I was the originator of the problem. I caused this disorder in infancy. Some Muggle has I must have written a book about mother complexes, the question is, can I ever make it up to you?

5 days before the wedding

"You must...well...I don't want to be rude, okay? But you need to suck that stomach in a little more... more... more!" I wasn't feeling well. The Tailor Witch kept tightening the corset, but the dress just wouldn't fit. What was the matter? I had Haven't eaten that much lately and when you're stressed you're more likely to lose weight than gain, isn't it? Another 10 minutes it was time, the dress fit. I looked at myself in the mirror, now that the fabric was wrapped around my body, it looked perfect. "Well, it's already in three days... three weeks would be more problematic. You couldn't fool your husband anymore." I looked at the witch, what did she mean? She points to my stomach. "Girl. I see something like that." My blood froze in my veins, what? I wasn't- no... no, no, no, that couldn't be? When was the last time I had my- oh...

I turned pale and slowly sat down. I last had my period three months ago. I hadn't even noticed, all the stress... the wedding, Lucius, Narcissa... Severus! What would he say to that? We had never really talked about child planning, we were both teachers but being parents ourselves? No, that wasn't really an option for either of us. He just wasn't the type for it... and me? I had... Lucius...

"You look very pretty." I turned and looked into Lucius' eyes. He knew immediately something was wrong. Of course I lied to him, the news needed to be digested first and then discussed with Severus, not Lucius! The witch packed up and said goodbye after helping me out of the dress, I was in a trance the whole time and when I stepped out of the dressing room and Lucius was still there waiting for an answer to the question "What's going on?" ?" waiting, I burst into tears and threw myself into his arms. "Oh, that's normal, I wanted to run away from my wedding too... I mean, it's a different situation here... but it's normal to cry, everything will be fine..." he whispered in my ear and gently stroking my head Yes, everything would be fine... the only question is how...

3 days before the wedding

I've never been so excited and nervous in my entire life. I would tell Severus tonight... I had to tell him! I couldn't just marry him and upset him with the news in a few months, it wasn't fair. While he was in the bathroom showering, I sat on the bed waiting, mentally preparing the right words.

"You know what's best? That we don't have children. Imagine the yelling and squeaking at the wedding tomorrow. Something would always break, the nerves are already on edge anyway. No, I'm really glad we won't have to." I stared at him as he stood there, his upper body still wet from the water, a gray towel wrapped around his hips. Will stay? "But kids are cute. Maybe not just at a wedding, but-" "But later, when you want to be left alone during the holidays? And they whine in the summer that they want to go to the pool or even worse, go on vacation? Or if they get bad grades and you get angry with your colleagues because you somehow want to talk yourself out of the fact that you haven't completely failed as a parent? Or when they are making out at the winter ball at 16 and misbehaving? Or if they choose the absolute worst mate and then produce even more children? Merlin, no thanks. Without me." He grabbed his shepherd and pulled it on. Children were absolutely not an issue for him. I reflexively touched my stomach. He slipped into his boxer shorts and nodded. "Never. Do you think otherwise?" I shook my head.

I hardly got any sleep that night either. How could I be so stupid and not realize what happened? Of course it wasn't my sole fault, but I was pretty much alone with the result. Severus wanted absolutely nothing to do with a baby and the wedding was in 3 days. There was absolutely no solution... or was there?