Lonely

Newbie / Chapter V

I followed Alice throughout the corridors, halls, bathrooms, communal rooms. Everything felt so distant. So unreal. I was scared. Alice every once in a while turned to me and smiled reassuringly, but I still felt out of place. But maybe that's exactly where I was supposed to be. At least for the time being. Alice opened the door and with a hand gesture, invited me in. The room looked like those rooms from the ads for the wall paint. Artificially homely. Something felt off though. I tried to figure it out, but perhaps I was too tired. I looked around. It wasn't a bad room. There was a nice bed, a desk and something I actually always wanted - windowsill with cushions and blankets.

"Your uncle made sure you had a nice, private room. You have some space to read, tv and a desk, if you'd like to write or draw or paint. It's not much, but I hope you will feel comfortable and safe here. Here is the bathroom." Alice opened the door and looked inside, as if she was checking if everything was in order. I started thinking how much money Tom had paid for all this. It was not NHS, for sure. I walked around the room and saw a black notebook on a desk. "Ah, yes. We encourage our guests to journal, so if there is anything on your mind, you can always write it down. It's private, no one will read it."

"Thank you, miss..."

"Just call me Alice, everyone does." She smiled softly. "Well, make yourself comfortable, lunch should be ready soon. Don't worry, I know you must feel lost, so someone will come get you." She looked down at her tablet and took a deep breath. "One more thing, honey...It might sound stupid, but...I need you to change your shoes." She looked at me almost apologetically.

"Oh, of course, I totally understand." I didn't, but maybe that's a hospital thing. "Only I don't have any spares." I looked around and saw black vans knock-offs. "Unless I'm supposed to wear those?" Alice nodded.

"Yes, exactly these ones. Nothing fancy, sorry." I chuckled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was expecting Yeezys." I joked, putting on the shoes, which surprisingly fit.

"Are they ok? I kind of assumed the size, not sure if I got it right." Alice picked up my old shoes while I was trying to feel the new ones. I stood on my toes and then on my heels, wobbled forwards and backwards a couple of times.

"Yeah, they're alright. Not Yeezys, but they'll do."

"Alright. In this case, make yourself at home, there is a button here if you need help. I'll see you at lunch." Alice smiled and left the room. Only now I realised there was no lock on the door. Probably a hospital thing.

I went over to the bed and sat on it. The softness of it made me gasp quietly.

"Oh, I'm gonna love this." I said to myself and laid back. I felt so comfortable and wanted to take a nap immediately, but my stomach reminded me the lunch was supposed to be soon. Someone will get me. Well, undoubtedly, since the door is unlocked. Lunch. I started thinking about the number of people that would be there. Would there be someone I knew? They will probably all look at me, new toy. And I will have to eat. And they will stare. My stomach tied itself in a million knots. I helped myself up so that I was sitting again and I started picking the skin around my nails, but I stopped myself by closing my hands in fists and decided to walk over to the windowsill. Ah, the fluffiness of the blanket was otherworldly. "Maybe it will be okay." I whispered to myself and looked through the window. I saw a small trail leading to a nearby forest. That was definitely going to be my favourite spot. Someone knocked twice.

"Um...Valerie? I'm here to get you for lunch." well, was that voice nice. I cleared my throat and jumped down from the windowsill.

"Yeah, I'm coming!" I opened the door and saw a guy with a very friendly looking face. He immediately smiled with a smile that reached his blue eyes. "Um...hi? I'm Valerie." I waved my hand awkwardly.