Real Lover

20. Love is crazy

EARLIER.

Riki doesn't know what to do before going to the dinner meeting, he wants to runaway but he know he can't. On how many guards guarding and stopping him from doing inappropriate it's suffocating him.

'i'll just hope i'll die before i can enter that place' he thought before going inside the car but i guess his wish is a little too insane, he still ended up on the dinner meeting.

He still wants to runaway, every second he wants to leave the place, when he met sunoo and sunoo's father he wants to leave, he wants to runaway. He doesn't want any of this but what made him sign the papers? is it because of his father's threat or his feelings?

maybe both? he doesn't want jungwon to experience all those unfortunate shits that he's experiencing and he think cutting connection with jungwon is the best decision, of course it will hurt him but wouldn't staying with him with all those happenings hurt more?

Love is cruel, love is crazy. You don't know what you might do once it hits you.

He didn't expect he would meet someone he's avoiding, jungwon.

'why is he...here...' that's the question he's been asking to his self all along, perhaps both of them really don't expect to see each other in this time, this event.

When jungwon messaged him that they should meet, at first he was hesitant, he's also hurting if only he could do anything to escape this. Although he's avoiding him that much his conscience is still there bugging him and maybe...maybe he thinks this is the final time he'll get to bid goodbyes.

He thought he'll have hard time to escape the guards gladly they are all busy and he can still sneak out.

While driving, he's excited... finally he could meet jungwon again. And he's frustrated... of everyone and himself why should he suffer and why jungwon needs to suffer too? he's driving while tears are falling nonstop, his vision getting blurry but he immediately shook it off. He need to control his emotion or else his plan would fail.

FASTFORWARD

He slowly walks in to where their meeting place is and when their eyes met each other, riki feels like breaking down and just fuck the plan he made and run towards jungwon to give him the warmest hug but he didn't, both of them are hesitant to talk, they're just looking at each other as if they're longing for how many years. After those silent minutes jungwon finally talked, it was straightforward and a desperate question.

"Do you still love me?" riki feels like a his heart got stab, how can those words hurt this much?

He wants to shout 'of course! i won't stop loving you' but he just scoffed and sniffed before laughing sarcastically... forcefully.

Jungwon on the other hand looked down, he thought hearing riki's voice would heal and comfort him but why does it hurt... it's hurting him.

'riki...you're not like this please.'

"Why does it matter? you already saw me at the dinner meeting with your friend?" riki answered while looking away, he's holding himself from crying, his eyes sting so fucking bad gladly it's dark, jungwon wouldn't see it.

"Not that. Just answer my question..." jungwon said while smiling and looking down, he doesn't want to look up he's not oblivious he knows riki is holding his tears and that's enough answer that riki still loves him but still. He wants an answer coming from riki's mouth.

"I don..." jungwon didn't let riki finish his words and immediately covered his own ears, it's unbearable to hear.

"I didn't know you're this cruel." jungwon said while laughing and tears flowing, 'why does he need to lie!?' the question he wants to shout.

"What happened? give me enough and valid reason why? WHY!?" jungwon ask again, he couldn't hold it anymore he's in so much pain that he wish he didn't asked and expect.

"Does falling out of love needs enough and valid reason?" riki asked back while arms crossed

"NO! we're just okay? is your dad forcing you again? i understand then you don't need to say you don't love me-"

"Enough. Let's not hurt each other like this jungwon, you won't understand and i wish you will." riki finally said and turn his back but just like how he was about to walk he almost fall in his knees because of three words coming from jungwon.

"I love you."

he's acting tough all this time but how does a three words made him feel so weak.

"i love you SO... please explain it to me, why... why don't you love me anymore? is there a problem? i thought we should always rely on each other because that's what boyfriends are? you said we'll still grow together, y...you'll still marry me that's why i don't understand..." jungwon said while crying, he couldn't hold his tears anymore. He ran and hug riki's back holding him from running away without an answer.

"Are you tired? we can rest! is there something wrong i did? i'll be better! or is it because we're still in secret relationship? i-lets talk about it!" jungwon desperately said while still hugging riki, while riki couldn't hold any longer and let his tears also flow.

"C..can't you see? i'm getting married." riki said while forcefully removing jungwon's grip but he can't he's so weak right now, jungwon's embrace he feel it again why should he stop it?

"I-i know! it's okay i-it's just a work and besides the one you're going to marry likes another person o-or can't y-you just r-re...refuse?" jungwon desperately said again, he doesn't want to let go of riki. They say love is crazy and maybe jungwon took it seriously.

"Are y-you hearing yourself jungwon!? come on at least know your worth! You will see us getting married, living in the same roof, and any other shits and you're saying it's okay? and also i can't refuse. This is the better way or else we're both going to hurt each other forever... but cutting ties now would hurt just for a while. Don't cry over a man like me, don't waste your life for me." riki said and jungwon tighten the hug before crying again

"I already throw every pride and ego i have, this is the very first time i desperately ask for something. If loving you is going to hurt me then i'm fine as long as we hold to each other then there's no reason for me to give up. Riki... i know you know i.. i only have you. If you think cutting ties right now then i'll be okay on the next days IT IS NOT TRUE! i will forever suffer and have this pain..." jungwon stops and look up before smiling

"You're the only one i have riki... let me stay by your side even if i have to watch you falling out of love..."

and just like that jungwon's decision is final.

"Forget that 'you deserve someone better', i thought we'll be better for each other? rethink your decision and comeback to me, i'll gladly accept you and your decision with open arms." jungwon adds while smiling before letting go of riki, he's proud and sure of his decision you might call him crazy but his love for him made him like that, well he can't just stop loving someone who accepts him with whole heart.

Riki didn't talk, no, he can't talk, he was stunned with those words. He wants to curse and be mad on how it's just easy for jungwon to say those words as if his life wouldn't be affected but on the other hand, it's true...he need to rethink his decision now that he finally heard jungwon's side. Basically, his plan just failed. He starts walking away, still not making any sound nor looking back.

'I love you... more.' riki thought while walking.

In this situation, who's naive and who's right? are they both naive? are they that desperate? are they even making the right decision?

Jungwon just looked down when riki starts walking, he expected this. Realizing what he just said earlier makes him feel ease, love is cruel and jungwon feels like going crazy.

Now... how would he explain all of this to sunoo? should he confess or keep it a secret even for a while.