Real Lover

31. Eternity (FINALE)

Riki woke up in a hostpital room. He realized, he fainted but why... OH... OH. He saw the man beside him, he was beside him sitting and looking at the window. Riki still can't believe it. It was very hard to process. Is this him? is this... finally him?

"Oh you're awake." Jungwon said and tried to touch Riki on the shoulder but Riki immediately flinched. "Oh, sorry." he said and stopped.

Riki stared at him for a minute and Jungwon was shy so he kept looking away. Riki couldn't believe on what he's seeing. He couldn't believe that he's finally here.

"Why..." Riki asked in weak voice. He is breaking, he wants to cry. "Why are you here?" he asked, finally. As that question lingered in the room, he closed his eyes in guilt. He realized, it wasn't the word that should come out of his mouth.

"I- I'm sorry. It took us... ten years." Jungwon couldn't helped but answer. He's still looking away, he couldn't hold an eye contact.

"Are you okay?" Riki asked as his voice cracked. He couldn't stop himself from being emotional. For the ten year, he managed to control his emotions... and at least that Jungwon wouldn't see him as being emotional. Yet, he failed.

"Why are you crying? You're making me cry!" Jungwon said as he finally looked at his lover, he's hurting now. "I am sorry... sorry..." he whispered as they both hugged each other.

They longed for each others presence.

"What happened? where have you been for a decade?" Riki asked as they both calmed down.

"Going here and there, travelled the world just so I could escape everything." he said and Riki immediately felt guilty, "I was your mother's scholar but it stopped after a year so I worked. I finally settled in Australia. There I met nice people. I met someone who treated me as part of their family. I worked for them. They helped me to become a writer, I was also influenced by them. I was finding myself and writing was introduced to me. Don't worry, I never struggled." the last line is a lie. "I was contented, it just took me years to finally find myself." he added and smiled but Riki just looked at him plainly.

"Until now? Jungwon... why are you still lying? Why can't you tell me that you struggled too, that we were both hurting?" Riki asked and Jungwon immediately look away.

Jungwon always tried his best, for the ten years. He promised to be strong so when he met Riki. Riki wouldn't feel bad, he wouldn't blame himself. But I guess... it did not work.

"Why are you still hiding?" he asked and Jungwon couldn't help but cry. "Jungwon, I was always here. I never left. I missed you, I love you. I am very much eager to meet you. To show you the real me but you, you're hiding again." he said but Jungwon started crying. There, Riki realized that he's exceeding from the limits he told himself. He promised to let Jungwon live happily, without him because he knows he only bring pain to him.

"How can I let you go if you're like that?" he asked and Jungwon just cried. "Jungwon, I promised myself to leave you once we met." he added but the latter stopped.

"Listen-" Jungwon said and took a deep breathe. "Okay, I struggled... so much. Bearing it all alone was terrifying, it was the worst. You were out of my life, it hurts me. I met nice people... I tried moving on hoping that you did too but I can't. The past is still within me, it didn't left. I wanted to show you that I am capable, that you don't have to worry about leaving me alone. That you mustn't blame yourself for all the cruelty of this world." He considered leaving Riki too, maybe in that way they'd be free from everything. Riki would be free from hurting.