just a random hamltion fanfic

chapter 7 truth comes out

A/N warning mentions suicide

Lafayettes point of view
After what seemed like forever Asher finished telling us things. I looked over to see hammy laying asleep on John's shoulder. He was so cute when he sleeped. His mouth would slightly open causing him to have this light breathing sound. His eyes that always looked stressed and not relaxed finally relaxed themselves.

I find myself staring at the sleeping man. Damn it stop it lafayette he has a boyfriend. Not to mention who would like someone like me. I so ugly it's not even funny seriously I don't see what people see in someone like me.

I lay back on the sofa trying to think about anything else other than ending it all. Then my thoughts went to Louis I haven't heard him talk for a while. I look over to the left of me to see the poor man in a tight ball on the chair. He did know it comes out right? I found myself staring at him to but not in the same way I did Alex. With Alex I could just sit there and fantasy about all the wonderful things I wanted to do with him.

I stared at louis with a OH MY FUCKING GOD he's adorable in a child way kinda look. I look back at John to see him struggling to stay awake. Man was Asher that boring I actually thought it was cool to hear about all of the changes. The one I liked the most though was knowing men that liked anther man was expected in this time. It made me so happy to know that I wasn't the only man who thought other men sexy as fuck.

I slid closer to john to give him something to lay on. He lays his head on my shoulder and I feel my heart skip a couple of beats. God it was so wrong I liked 3 men and nether of them I could have. I feel tears go down my cheeks thinking of that thought. But my thoughts were interrupted when I heard a vibrate from what they called a phone. I looked at the Hella bright screen to see a name pop up it was from that Rey girl. I stared at it and read "I told them a few things and..." then it went away. I looked away I wasn't going to snoop like Washington. I laughed at that thought then I realized something. They were in the kitchen alone in the kitchen. I doubted going in there. I took johns head and placed it on Hamilton’s although I don't think it would stay like that cuz Hamilton was going lower and lower having one leg curled into johns side and his hurt one layed out. I get up and walk to the kitchen thinking I would come across a make put session only to see Washington have flour on his  nose and a egg on his head. I looked over to see Asher was the same way. "So you have a fun side sir." I laughed. He just smiled then went back to doing whatever he was doing before.

I walk and Asher follows. I look to the coach only to see Alex even cuter than he was before. Next thing I knew I couldn’t control myself. I fall to my knees and sob. Wow sob I haven't done that in a while. "pourquoi, pourquoi, pourquoi... ce n'est pas loin ce n'est pas loin?" I sob in raped French. "je veux je veux je veux. pourtant je ne peux pas avoir.." so many tears come on lafayette pool yourself together your not 5. I feel a small hand on my shoulder next thing I knew u grabbed Asher squeezing the poor man to death. I sob into his shoulder shaking and crying. "Je veux mourir je veux mourir dieu laisse moi mourir." I sob in his shoulder. I feel Asher stiffen a bit probably trying to tell me hey your in my space but I couldn’t help it I didn't let go I didn't want to let go.

I then feel small arms around my waste which just made me cry harder I knew who it was. "qu'est-ce qui ne va pas mon ami?" Alex says. God only knows how the man got here but at this point I didn't care. "AMI AMI AMI C'EST TOUT CE QUE JE SUIS." I yelled into Ashers shoulder. "Laffy, qu'est-ce que tu veux dire, veux-tu que je te considère comme un frère ?" Alex said. 

"NON, je veux être ton amour, ton petit ami, pas seulement un ami!!" I cry knowing I messed everything up. I get up shaking and walk to that bathroom as they call and close the door. I fall to my knees and start to scratch my wrist with my nail trying everything and anything to get pain. I look around but se nothing sharp. Dammit. "s'il te plait laf, Laffy, gaufre s'il te plait sors j'adore on peut parler à john je te dirai que je n'ai qu'une attirance sexuelle pour toi." Alex cry banging on the door. But then I did something without thinking. I slam my fist into the mirror I take a piece of glass and slit my wrist all over. I can't take this I just fuck up everything cry. Next thing my vison goes black. Yes I finally can die then I saw nothing heard nothing.