The Letter

Second Personal Video

The camera turns on to the same burned couch as the last video. Phoenix comes into frame with an iv attached to her lower left arm.
"Heh, I snagged this thing from the hospital by the school." She lifted her arm.
"I am going to see how much blood you can take from the human body without it passing out." She laughed a bit then threw back her head.
"I figured out the reason for why I'm still alive." She sat up and smiled.
"I may not be enough but I am only still here to stop the Avengers." She said with a determined voice. Then she grabbed a knife and cut it through her wrist with a grimace. Blood came pouring out onto her lap. Then she sliced again and again until both her arms were covered in red.
"Ouch. That hurt." Then she started to cry which turned into a full blown sobbing meltdown. Covered in blood and tears she looked up.
"Here's the song for the video. I have always been self conscious and stuff like that and if anyone actually watches this than maybe they can relate." She cried. With a shaky voice she sang.
"I look in the mirror and I see
Someone that makes me unhappy" she took a deep breath. Just getting started.
"I look around and see the beauty Of the girls I wish I could be
Comparing myself has become a hobby
Drain myself and end up empty
I say I don't care what they think
But it's the only thing making me
Sink
I wish I could love me the way I love others
Could help myself but I don't even bother
I'm drowning but I'm all alone
I seem fine but they'll never know
Playing games in my head
Mascara stains on my bed
I'm trying to keep my tears dry
Saying I'm fine but it's a lie
Am I my worst enemy
Maybe my thoughts are killing me
Second guess myself because
I think that I am not enough
I'm not enough
I don't feel loved
I'm not enough
Your not enough" she paused then after a while kept going.
"Feels like they're something wrong with me
It seems real when everybody tends to leave
I'm breaking but they say I'll be okay
Can't handle love cause I push it all away
Maybe I'II try talking some more now
But its almost as if I'm being too loud, loud" more tears stream down her face as she sings.
"I wish I could love me the way I love others
Could help myself but I don't even bother
I'm drowning but l'm all alone
I seem fine but they'll never know
Playing games in my head
Mascara stains on my bed
I'm trying to keep my tears dry
Saying I'm fine but it's a lie
Am I my worst enemy
Maybe my thoughts are killing me
Second guess myself because
1 think that I am not enough
The damage I've caused myself is hard to believe I'm stuck with the thoughts and it makes it hard to breathe
Filling the empty space to run from the pain
It's a quiet battle in my head making me insane" a sob caught in her throat and she stopped for a minute taking in her own words. Then kept singing.
"I'm not enough
I don't feel loved
I'm not enough
Your not enough
Not enough
Your not enough
Your not enough
Your not enough
Playing games in my head
Mascara stains on my bed
I'm trying to keep my tears dry
Saying I'm fine but it's a lie
Am I my worst enemy
Maybe my thoughts are killing me
I second guess myself because I think that I am not enough" she took her deep breath.
"I feel that song really relates to my situation here and how my heart is right now." She sadly laughed. Then turned off the camera.