trigger warning soon i suppose
My outlook on life is slightly different then most people I suppose. I've attempted suicide 10 time and counting, and somehow i end up alive. Why? Why do people see the need to save me? Because I don't know what mistake I'm making? Well I think by now I would know if I really wanted to go or not.
I'm frightened however this time around, this time around I wasn't as careful as i normally am.
You see even though I am thoroughly fucked up, I have successfully managed to keep this away from my school peers and my friends. This time however i took about 50 pills and was out of school for a good 2 weeks. The hospital couldn't find any hope for me so they told my school that i was dead.
Oh god. they are all going to pity me when i get back. Or worse they will judge me for it.
I have been called many things but the worst i have been called was selfish. I found this extremely hurtful. People who are suicidal or have committed suicide get called this quite a lot, but when you think about it, who is really more selfish? I say that the people who keep saving us are. Just think about it... Who is more selfish taking yourself out of someone else's life or preventing someone who wants to die more than anything from dying.
