"I thought you were done with this?" mumbled Dr. Jones looking uninterested and scraping the paint off his desk. Isn't it a shame though. I was just on my deathbed and this is how I'm greeted?
"Done with what, Sir?" I smirked. If he wanted to be an asshole I can play right back.
"You know what. Seriously, Niki, you were doing so well." he said now actually looking at me.
"Is that a new shirt Ryan, I mean it suites you very nicely, have you been working out" I try my best to change the subject, but i knew the result was inevitable.
"That's Mr Jones to you now show me your wrists." I smiled and showed him my wrists. They were totally clean except for the thick scars that were fading. They were at least a month old. As long as he didn't ask for me to take my underwear off i was fine. I'm smart you know.
"I don't understand you were doing so well, open your mouth." He cursed and got his flashlight out.
"ahhh" I said with pride because little does he know that i have been eating honey religiously, no matter how many times I vomit my throat will remain undamaged.
"It seems as though you haven't been purging either.." Now Dr. Jones looked seriously puzzled, you would think with 19 years of experience someone would have thought of this trick.
"It's because i haven't!!" I smiled. "And don't call it purging that's fucking gross" I hate the word purge. it makes me sound like there is something wrong with me. There is most certainly nothing wrong with me. I just want to be skinny and happy, and I get those things just in different ways than others. No big deal. And I most certainly do not "purge" I simply throw up, nothing more, nothing less. Just the word "purge" makes me cringe.
"What do you want me to call it then?"
"That's irrelevant I'm not bulimic, or a cutting freak anymore. Next subject please"
"Why did you try to kill yourself" and there it is. that freaking word. "Why" I only hate this word because I have no answer. Maybe I do have an answer but I don't want to talk about it, I dont know my mind is a puzzling place and i try and visit it as little as possible
Can i just have a normal life?
