I don't want to be loved

Chapter 66: He Liked Her, After All

(♡)

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"Your Majesty, you were with my daughter... perhaps Lalisa's caused you trouble." The lady, a countess, greeted Jungkook hurriedly while the girl hid behind her with a look of embarrassment as she realized his true identity.

"....It's been a long time, Countess Alessin."

"Jungkook, Lalisa, I had plans for you two to meet someday, but this is great too. What were you two doing?"

"It's nothing, I was just talking to this child," Jungkook said lowly and continued, "I was just free and bored. I unknowingly rolled on the floor by myself. It's no big deal. No need to bother about it, Mother."

Jungkook felt a sense of shame hearing his mother's pleased voice. The thought that he had been caught and trapped in her wicked plan upset him. He did not want to play with her games, so he hurried away and hoped to never see the girl again.

However, his mother had other plans. She had marked the girl as her target as the next Queen of Arundell and called her to the royal palace now and then. Every time he saw her, she was still the same pure and innocent girl he met in the garden. She'd look at his mother with envy and respect, unaware of the queen's ulterior motive. Each time he saw her, perverse thoughts wrapped around his mind. He wanted to tell her, tell her how the queen truly sees her, how she's a pawn in her hands, a tool to carry a child... and most of all, tell her to run, run as fast as she can.

But in the end, he did not. She was too young to understand and he had no power. On the other hand Jungkook though she'd not care much even if she knew that she was a tool for the queen. Power drives people to do crazy things, after all.

As time passed, Jungkook became an adult and before he knew it, his voice lowered and he was much stronger.

One day, he saw her again in the royal palace. She had become a woman, a goddess. Her body was still small, but it could not hide the swelling of her chest and the revelation of her beautiful curves.

Most of all, when he saw her sweet and shy smile, Jungkook blushed unconsciously, his heart beating erratically. It was difficult to look at her without feeling anything. He placed his hand over his heart, confused by a strange feeling washing over him for the first time in his life.

That night, Jungkook had a dream. In his dream, he laid in bed with a woman who had long, silver hair. In that dream, he made love with her. Not a single spot of her porcelain skin was left untouched. He explored her - each and every part of her. Even her soul he explored. And then, when they fell into the deepest pleasure, he pushed himself inside her deepest place and drowned themselves in the purest form of bliss.

And then he woke up. His lower area was wet. He realized what he had just done.

Jungkook laughed despondently. Much to his bitter disappointment, he liked her, after all.

And then, Jungkook thought that it was fine to marry her just as his mother wished despite it being a forced marriage. He did not hate her nor despise her. Rather, he liked her innocence. She was never the kind to smile innocently only to stab him in the back. Jungkook realized that maybe he could learn to live with her even if his mother desired a child with her for the sake of her plans.

Maybe, this was fine too.

Maybe...

Since then, Jungkook had done what he could. Since he could not stop his mother's plan, he delayed the wedding as long as he could until he developed some strength. If he had not resisted the political marriage so much, she'd have come to the palace much earlier.

***

Time flew by quickly.

Within a month would be Jungkook's scheduled marriage with her. She began to stay at the palace to learn social and royal etiquettes. Jungkook occasionally watched her from afar in seclusion. Jungkook knew that it was not easy for her to adjust in a strange place she did not know alone. His mother had requested that she perform her duties to the utmost perfection. Whenever she made the slightest mistake, she'd lower her head out of shame. Each time, she'd feel intimidated and shrink further.

Originally, it was her mother who should have given her advice, guidance, and consolation, but that was impossible. Her mother had passed away far too early. Furthermore, his mother sent her a Maid of Honor to make sure she did everything properly. The Maid of Honor would report each mistake made to his mother.

And Jungkook, too, was unable to show her any significant affection. Doing so would show his weakness to his mother. That and because he was naturally poor at expressing his emotion.

And the Queen, who had keen eyes that could see through people, quickly saw Jungkook's affection for her.

Before the day of their wedding, she brought Jungkook to a room and said her thoughts out loud.

"Aren't you glad that you're to marry Lalisa? I know you like her. I'm trying so hard for you. Don't be like this, Jungkook."

🍀