I don't want to be loved

Chapter 135: Erratic Menstruation

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"I hear that Duke Saphia has a growing interest for business as of recent and is investing much of his wealth into it."

"Yes," Lalisa nodded, "I heard about that. They say he's developed an interest in the spice trade business."

In times past, Arundell failed in entering the spice market. Their efforts often proved futile, but this time, under Jungkook's leadership, much of Arundell had changed. It was likely that Duke Saphia would gain heavy profits from his spice investments.

It, too, favored Jungkook's policies.

The more Lalisa thought, the more she viewed Mrs. Cessley in a favorable light as her personal aide to help Arundell move forward as a kingdom.

"I understand. I'll accept the duchess earnest invitation to visit her domain. When is it?"

"Two months from now."

Lalisa nodded. "Then I'll write a personal letter to her."

Lalisa grabbed a papyrus paper and picked up the pen resting on a table. She'd come to realize that her act had been for the betterment of Arundell.

She laughed to herself bitterly.

Well, this was fine. She was queen now. She'll need to act accordingly and see to it that Arundell remains prosperous.

'No matter what becomes of me or what I think, I should always place the people's needs over my own,' Lalisa thought, giving a small sigh.

Her thoughts previously had been selfishly foolish. She never played the part of a queen, only wallowing in self-pity of her circumstances.

But she knew better this time.

She allowed herself to chase after people, chase after their love-the love she sought from them. But when she was imprisoned in that cold, dark room, she realized that she had no one, not even the Queen Mother.

Her mind went to a dark place.

When she lost her baby, she never once saw the Queen Mother's face. She was at her happiest seeing Lalisa's bulging belly, so she thought the Queen Mother would visit her at least once...

But...

Perhaps after she heard the news of her soon-to-be-grandchild who'd suddenly left the world, she became angry and disappointed toward Lalisa's carelessness.

"My Queen, may I ask you a question?" After sealing the letter with wax and a royal stamp, Mrs. Cessley cautiously raised a question.

"Yes. Go on."

"...I apologize if my question offends you, but is your monthly period erratic?"

It was a question that plagued Mrs. Cessley incessantly. It had been confirmed that Lalisa was a virgin on her first night with Jungkook and since then, she hadn't had her monthly menstruation.

It was easy for Mrs. Cessley arriving at the conclusion that she'd soon bear a child.

"Yes. Of course. My monthly menstruation is erratic... and always has been. I'd often skip a month or two. It's better for you to assume that I'm not able to birth a successor in this short amount of time. And I want to make it clear that I won't take any medication to solve this problem."

When Lalisa was unable to bear Jungkook a child after a year of their marriage, the Queen Mother made attempts to change her constitution with medication. Among them were remedy medicine she was forced to ingest that had disgustingly live organisms...

It was in those moments that Lalisa, who had a small appetite to begin with, abhorred eating meat.

Mrs. Cessley shook her head. "Who'd dare for you to do something you don't wish for, My Queen? And a child is a gift the heavens bless us. If we spend our days without thinking of such matters, we'll suddenly find ourselves with one. Don't worry about it too much."

'A gift blessed by the heavens, huh...'

Lalisa wore a bitter smile. She desperately sought one previously and it arrived like a miracle. But she lost that child from a moment of carelessness.

Would the heavens bless her one this time around? No. She doubted it. Unless it was a cruel trick, a second pregnancy was unlikely to happen.

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