I don't want to be loved

Chapter 72: Women Love Flowers

(♡)

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It was like he dreamt of her, of her silhouette, of her illusion - that she was there physically present only to awake in an empty bed. He had lost her once, the girl, who, without notice, became his universe. It hit him. He thought he had forever to amend his mistakes, but the truth was, he did not... they had met during a time when everything was an intricate mess and had much to figure out. How could he have known how crucial every word said, every action made, or losing her would become something of a bitter regret?

He had lost her once and he did not want to repeat the same mistakes. Jungkook looked down at her everlasting beauty and hoped this moment would last... forever. Though he may never touch her closed heart once more, he'll always be there. Whether it be late at night or early in the morning, she'll always have him. He would spend the rest of his lifetime atoning for his sin.

Jungkook raised his fingers stiffly and touched strands of her hair. His heart palpitated.

Meanwhile, she muttered, "Vince...?"

His hand stopped. Vince... that was her cousin's name, a man special to her, a man she had gone through lengths to save.

Was his heart aching?

'.....Stop it... you don't deserve to be...'

He pressed his palm on his heart and turned his head to the side.

Meanwhile, she awakened slowly and blinked. Soon as she saw his silhouette, a faint surprise crossed her lips and she quickly rose up. The warmth of her body faded away and Jungkook was back to reality. He cleared his throat and informed her that they had made a detour to her estate.

She looked thankful and glad. While spending time with her people and exploring the estate's current condition, Jungkook paced back and forth in the garden alone. He recalled Vincent, the person she called out to in her dreams. He was a special existence, even now and even then. The obvious expression on her face showed that she cared and held deep affection for him. She had cried in tears when she saw him, the cousin she had not seen for years in the past.

It was the same this time as well.

"Your Majesty, are you still thinking about that? Just be honest with her."

Jungkook intended to take a quiet walk alone, but as always, Raymond popped in like an unwanted insect.

Jungkook's face darkened as he looked at Raymond.

"Don't give me that face. I have a new piece of information. Surely you want it, Your Majesty? But first, be nice to your loyal servant."

Jungkook ignored his last comment and asked, "Information?"

"I heard from the servants that the count was buried here."

He looked at Raymond. "The Count's tomb is here?"

"Yes, Your Majesty. Speaking of which, did he not bring in an illegitimate child into the estate only to have Lady Lalisa kick his father and his daughter out before journeying to Chrichton? In any case, the Count was buried next to his wife after death. It was what Lady Lalisa agreed to. She might have grown soft to him after his death."

In the past, Lalisa could not let go of her family unaware of her father and half-sister's lack of love... even going as far as to grant them all their selfish requests.

But what about now when she had realized all this? Why had she allowed him to be buried next to her mother? Was it pity or forgiveness?

We're it him, he'd never forgive them in the past nor the present. Jungkook, too, unknowingly, and so many others, had caused her pain and anguish.

Jungkook shut his eyes tightly. He would never forget the demon inside him that was unleashed. The blood that soaked his hand... the sensation of bones breaking and flesh grinding... the shrill scream. He remembered those unforgettable days vividly. It was something no human should go through. Man should be righteous, but at that time, it was as if evil that had never existed awoke inside of him and controlled both his body and spirit.

And he had since lived a life of destruction and hatred till time turned back. Even he did not want her to know the evil that ran amok inside him after she passed away. Even he was ashamed, and now too... ashamed that he was deceiving her.

"I know you have a lot of thoughts going on, Your Majesty, but why don't you see her? It might be more comforting to have someone by her side than to be alone."

Jungkook turned his head at Basil's remark.

"You should resolve the misunderstanding from the ship, Your Majesty. It might be awkward, but you should go. And take a flower with you. Women love flowers."

".....Does her mother like flowers?"

"....." Raymond stood in place flabbergasted and taken aback. Was it not common sense that women loved flowers? If they did not... well, he had never met one.

"You make it so obvious that you don't want to answer my question, Raymond."

Raymond grumbled and muttered softly, "Forget it, I won't give you advice anymore. This beast will only irritate me."

But in the next moment, Raymond donned a wide smile and clapped his hand. "Of course, that's not the case, Your Majesty. Of course, of course! The Countess will truly appreciate your kind goodwill."

And in the end, Jungkook decided to pluck sets of flowers from the garden for her mother. He intended to pay the Countess a proper respect. Her mother was her only true family member that cared for her, but... because of the Countess' close relationship with the his mother, the Queen, he had long developed a great dislike toward her.

He regretted...

She stood next to the Countess' grave, as expected, and Jungkook placed the flowers in front of the tomb. He looked at Raymond.

"They all love flowers," Raymond quickly replied.

'Why don't you say it yourself, beast?!'

Jungkook was somewhat nervous... afraid that she'd kick him out, but fortunately, she showed no signs of disdain. While talking to her, his eyes landed on the Count's grave, and coldly stared at his tomb. He had never known her family history.

That was his fault.

He never sought to amend their lack of dialogue. No... it was more accurate to say that he never knew his wife. Only after she passed away did he learn the truth.

"Lalisa, I know you're in a difficult position and I can't imagine how you feel, but I'd like to make it clear to you that I've no intention of treating you like a hostage. You're my wife. I'll protect you from any danger. Don't be nervous, please," he said nervously.

He wished dearly in his heart that she believed his words. He would never hurt her and it would be the last time he would do so... he knew forcing her to return back to this land was a selfish act he had done for himself... he knew this... and this would be his last selfish request...

Fortunately, she nodded softly. It was the first time she had accepted his presence. That gentle nod brought him extreme happiness, his heart fluttering.

In her last life, she sought love from the wrong people but it only brought her pain and suffering. She even thought she deserved it not knowing she was worthy of every wonderful thing in life, even love... Jungkook knew she may never love him, but this was fine. He was fine with that. He did not need to be loved by her. It was not something he deserved. Instead, he would give the love he had never given her.

And if ever there came a chance, he hoped one day that he could confess his sins and ask for forgiveness...

This was his earnest wish in front of her mother's grave.

🍀

( 15 Chapters update)