Come Back To Me

Coming Back

"Dean.. Dean, it's okay. Listen to me. Just calm down, okay?" Cas watched as Dean paced back and forth across the room, breathing heavily and rubbing his hands down his face.

"Calm down? I- I can't.. I can't calm down Cas.. I don't know what's real anymore.. I don't know what to believe... I can't even think straight right now. It was so vivid, so real.. so amazing.. but it wasn't real! None of it was. How much did I imagine? How much of it was just some fantasy? I mean, you're here so obviously that was real.. but then you were gone, and I thought I made up the whole thing.. an alcohol induced hallucination or something..."

Dean was quickly working himself into a panic, so Cas stepped up and laid his hands gently on Dean's face, forcing him to meet his gaze.

"Dean, I said calm down. I will help explain everything as best I can."

Dean took a deep breath, nodding, and going to sit on the bed. Cas sat on the edge of the bed, trying to figure out where to begin.

"I did come back. After Jack got me out. Obviously. Though, I don't know what parts of that night you believe was real.."

"I told you how I felt, and we.. ya know.."

"Yes, we did. And if I may say so myself, it was the best night of my existence, and I do not regret a single minute of it."

"Yeah, no, I don't either. I just wasn't sure I hadn't made the whole thing up.." he was blushing furiously and fidgeting with his hands.

"I assure you, you didn't. After that Sam came and told me about a case he had found. He asked that I go get a feel of things before y'all left, so that's why I was gone, and in hindsight, I realize I should have told you so you wouldn't worry. I do apologize for that. You were just sleeping so well, and I couldn't find it in myself to disturb that peace. Before I could return, you.. well you hurt yourself. I do not claim to know what your thoughts were, but I know from your note that you thought you had imagined my return, and it took a toll on you that I can't say I understand completely.. but I am here. I'm not going anywhere. I do hope you can trust me when I say that."

"Cas I.. all my life everything has been about everyone else. Giving up a normal life to save people so they could have one. So they could have what I've only been able to dream of having. And this life doesn't exactly afford me any lasting relationships with people. It's a life of constantly revolving doors. Hell, my own dad walked out the door more than anyone else. The only person who's always been there until I met you was Sam.. so yea, maybe I have some abandonment issues or whatever.. all I know is you've been the only other person who's always been there. And yea, I've lost you a few times, but you always came back.. and I guess that's why this last time was so hard.. cause I did everything, and there didn't seem to be any way to get you back.. so when you did, and then disappeared... I don't know. It just felt like the universe was fucking with me." Dean sat back against the headboard, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"You know, after I.. hurt myself, which thank you by the way, for healing me.. when I was asleep, I had a dream. It was perfect.. everything I could ever ask for. A part of me didn't want to wake up cause I didn't want it to end..."

"What was it about?" Cas moved to sit beside him, and Dean laid his head over on his shoulder.

"Us. All of us. You and me, Sam and Elieen. It was almost Christmas. It was snowing, and we'd went up to Bobby's old cabin. It was just us at first but then Sam and Elieen showed up.. with our daughters. They had a little girl, and so did we. Her name was Lily. She was blond like me, but had your blue eyes.. we proposed to each other, and that's when I woke up..."

"It sounds like a wonderful dream Dean" Cas wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulders and placed a kiss to the top of his head.

"It was.. and then I came back to reality.."

"It could be real.. one day." Cas said as he lifted Dean's chin and kissed him softly.

"Yeah, one day.." Dean kissed him back before they laid down, him letting Cas hold him. When he held him like this, so tightly, it felt like everything was perfect. And maybe things weren't perfect, but Cas was here, and that's a start.

A/N: Thank you guys for being so patient with me. Here is chapter 9. Hope y'all enjoy it. I think I'm going to do one more chapter.. make it even and wrap things up ya know?  Love you my dudes! 💙