𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝, guy germaine

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 | cracks

THERE WAS A ROCKING chair in mama's room when we were little. From what I remember, she used it to rock us to sleep as babies, to sit comfortably as she fed us, or to read to us when we got a little older.

One day, mama had to take Boone and Jimmy to the doctors, and Chris was still in her tummy, so she left Judson to watch me.

Judson often stayed home alone, but not usually watching any of us. At just nine years old, he could hold down the house without things falling apart. But mama had decided she couldn't handle all three little ones today, so she had Judson watch over me.

I remember waiting by the door for a while, wondering when mama would be back. I plopped myself down on that wood floor and waited.

"Opie, you've got to take your nap. Mama said you need to nap at two and it's two."
"No nap until mama home." I insisted.
"Opie, you've got to sleep!" Judson assured. "You have to take a nap."
He picked me right up off the floor, towing me off to the bedroom I shared with mama and dad when he was around.

"No sleep!" I exclaimed, kicking my legs and hoping that would convince him to let me down. He just put a harsh arm over my legs to stop them.

He sat us down in the rocking chair, me sprawled across his lap. I just pouted, hoping to stare him down.

"You want me to rock you to sleep?"
I hesitantly nodded, not wanting to give in but seeing it sounded like a nice idea. He pulled my side against him, slowly rocking me.

"You're my only sister, Opie, and I'm going to protect you always. You're everything to me."
I recall putting my thumb in my mouth and nodding off, listening to his heart and his breathing to lull me to sleep.

"I do love you, I promise."

I had a sour taste in my mouth when I woke this morning. It was the kind you normally get after a bad nap. Unfortunately, I really only had a bad nap as a replacement for sleep last night - Boone and I didn't get back from the street until about four this morning.

Boone's shoulder was beneath my head, us uncomfortably jammed together since Chris had a tendency to move during the night, rolling onto the mattress that was intended to be ours. At the very least, Boone smelled like home, and that made it all okay - a spritzy daydream of sunlight through closed curtains and linoleum floors.

The sun was so bright it hurt my eyes. Boone rubbed my back, signaling he wanted to get up, and I tried to follow after him without stumbling. I brushed my hair down, trying to tame the frizz and bumps, and went out to the kitchen. Jimmy had made breakfast for us - toast and cereal - so we all gathered around and got to eating.

"You look so tired, Opie... you should get back to bed." Chris suggested, rubbing my arm. "You don't have to go to the bar for another two hours, you should sleep a little more."
"I'm fine, Chris." I assured him. "We just got in a little later last night."

We got in later because we were trying to secure suitor #25, and he was stubborn. 25 guys in a week... not up to Judson's standard, but perhaps a decent start. Boone said I was doing a great job, but frankly I couldn't even tell you what I was doing. I had to turn off a part of myself to do what I did. I couldn't think about the boys or Guy or anything to do it successfully.

I was so tired that eating was hard. Eventually Chris and Jimmy were done so they went back to our bedroom. Boone was done too, but he stayed with me. He held me against his side.

"Come on, chew your food now... swallow..."
It was easier to listen to his simple commands than to try to figure it out myself. Not to mention I was freezing cold despite it being 90 degrees out and at least 75 inside.