Lavenders And Asters

Epilogue:- But for you I could wait for an eternity

Minho's POV

What happens when it's over before you get to have a say?
And all you are left with is regret of how much better it could have been.
The thought that if you acted another way then the person will be still with you crashes down on you. The weight of guilt and regret become so unbearable that it drags you deeper in the darkness of oblivion. The oblivion I fell into was the darkest part of my life. Your absence left an abyss inside me. For years I kept hurting. If only I had a say then everything would have been different. It was excruciating but even here your memories helped me. The night we kissed goodbye kept me sane. Your reassuring embrace and words were the light in this darkness.
And today I decided to run back to you again. Because you are my reassurance. You will always be.

The day arrived. It always did. But it was not the same as before. Who am I deceiving. Nothing is how it was supposed to be. After you were taken away from me. Life lost its fervour. But I made a promise and kept it, love.

It's been more than 4 years now. Almost half a  decade without you was like a lifetime to me princess. 

Today I needed to spend my day with my lavender. It was our  5th year anniversary after all.

The marble stone was covered in dust.
It has been years yet it still hurt. The fact that I couldn't save you. That you were only minutes away and yet I couldn't be there for you. The only respite I got from my wave of torment was that Acon was punished.

And yet that didn't bring you back. I cleaned the marble stone. It's white surface reminded me of your pale skin. The black letters reminded me how cute you looked in my oversized black hoodies. Everything reminded me of you.

"Even if this end is bitter like the buttercups, yet still it held more flowers of love in my bouquet of memories."

My breath hitched. As the deep desire and longing to be comforted gnawed my insides. Blurring my vision warm drops of grief flowed. My heart was bleeding for years. Still hoping that someday I would meet him but it was just a wistful wish.

"I don't regret loving you. Even now. Even if I have to face this fate in every lifetime I still don't want to stop loving you. Because I will try my best to never let you get hurt in my next lifetime. I never regretted loving you. My only regret is I did not spend more time with you, my lavender.

You know how I for the first 3 years I didn't come to see you. But the truth is I couldn't bare to meet you, I still hoped to wake up with you in my arms. Hiding your face in my chest. And seeing your face all squished up. And I still do. But this whimsical wish of mine will never come true. Because you are now at a place where I can't reach you.

You know I tried what I promised you. Felix even tried to find me someone but honestly I don't feel like how I used to with you. I did try getting to know them but it's like I can't connect with anyone. You were my only love, the first and the last and I don't regret it. Because just the memories of you are enough to remind me of what is most important.

My lavender it has been hard without you but I have learnt that time with you was the best part of my life.

Did you know Felix still can't believe that I already consider you as my husband. Our last goodbye was a tear caused in the reality. A glitch. While we had our last moment to whisper our love and despair. Others didn't.
I know this gets repetitive but I can't ground myself without speaking these thoughts. Lavender I will always miss you. And I still love you. I will always do.

Do you remember last year I couldn't even speak a word to you. The moment I saw you I fell to my knees. And now I want to spend all my days talking to you. You know noone remembers our marriage even the officiant doesn't. It's like it never happened. Sometimes it confuses me whether you were just a figment of my imagination that day or not. But then I remember how you trembled while clinging to me and whispered about Acon being the brute who plucked you out of my life. And then I see the ring. The only evidence of our dream.