Dear Mr. Parker,

WHAT CAN I SAY EXCEPT YOUR WELCOME?

"Hey, Stark's on a charity game show. Wanna watch it?" Kei asks during lunch.

"Is it worth putting down my Madeline Miller book?" Cam retorts.

"Lemme see," they say, pulling up their phone.

"And on to our next segment: Fun With Condoms," the announcer happily says.

"Ooh, yes," Cam immediately says. We both squish in closer to Kei and watch.

"Alright we have our 2 contestants here; Mr. Tony Stark and Mr. Daniel Radcliffe," he explains. "Your first challenge is who can blow up the condom into the bigger balloon in 20 seconds. Ready, set go!"

We laugh as we see them struggle to unwrap the condoms and then at the faces they make blowing them up.

"Alright, the winner of this round is Daniel," the announcer exclaims. "Now if you'll follow me over here, you'll be taken to the next round. "

Once over there, the announcer announces, "In this round, whoever can come up with more creative ways to say put a condom on, will get their current points doubled. Now Mr. Stark, since you lost last time, you can go first."

Mr. Stark goes red and then starts talking. "Wrap your willy before you get silly. Wrap your stump before you hump. Sock your wang before you bang. Cover your monkey, if you think she's spunky. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker. Don't be a loner, cover your boner. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize. The right selection is to package your erection. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong. Cloak the Joker before you poke her. And uhm, cover your carrot before you share it."

Everyone looks at him in shock and amusement.

"Now that surely was interesting, Tony. Daniel, you're go," the announcer muses.

"I forfeit," he shrugs.

"Alright, Mr. Stark, care to explain how you know all that?" the announcer asks.

At this point, I have pulled out my phone. I call him and hear it ringing through the stream.

I run outside, quickly before he picks up. And when he does, I scream, "You're welcome, bitch!" and hang up.

I calmly walk inside to hear half the lunch room in laughter.

"You missed it," Cam explains.

"Hm?" I wonder.

"There was this like really hot girl reading in the background of a shot and someone called Mr. Stark and screamed You're welcome , bitch," Kei says, between breaths.

"Aw," I pour, smirking in my head.