relapse

part 5

!trigger warning!

midoriya stared at the plate of food in front of him.

he wasn't hungry at all, but someone went through the trouble to cook for him and the others and save some for him. what was he gonna do?

he grabbed the chopsticks that sat beside the plate and hesitantly picked up some food, slowly bringing it to his mouth.

though he hadn't meant it.

the smell of the food had caused him to gag.

midoriya instantly turned his head and checked if anybody was around.

luckily nobody had been around, which relieved the boy.

"i can always eat tomorrow.." he muttered and then threw the food away, though he didn't want to.

he washed the plate and set it aside to dry.

"midoriya! how was it?"

he turned and stared at his friends who had gathered around the kitchen. his heart picked up in speed, his stomach churned in pain from the anxiety that started to build up, thoughts started swarming.

"what if you they heard you gag?"

"they'll hate you."

"if you hadn't wasted the food they spent so much time on, you wouldn't have felt so guilty."

"they'll hate you."

"they'll hate you."

"they'll hate you."

"midoriya?"

midoriya cleared his throat and forced a smile on his face.

"it tasted great." midoriya answered, moving to grab a towelette to dry his wet hands.

he went to the garbage and quickly acted as if he were shoving down garbage to fit other waste. he covered the food he had thrown with the paper towel and shut the door, feeling slightly relieved.

"im gonna head back to my room."

"alright, see ya later."

midoriya quickly left and headed to his room. trying to stop himself from bursting out into tears in the middle of the hallway.

when he entered his room.

that's when the tears came.

he couldn't do it anymore.

he couldn't hold himself back.

he desperately tried to remind himself of the promises and countless tears his mother shed for his safety. how it would've all been pointless.
the promises. the tears. the sobs and hugs. getting rid of anything izuku could possibly hurt himself with.

it would've all been pointless if he relapsed.

"you being alive is pointless. why not just disappear from the world? it would be less painful for others to have to deal with you."

midoriya sat silently on his bed.

he was gonna do it.

and there was nothing that would stop him.