A Letter to Myself

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are you missing what could have been?
what a stupid question;
of course you are,
you always are;
always stuck in the past,
can never move forward
or even see what's right in front of you.

you grieve the things you've lost,
but where have you been
when you still had them?
stuck in your own head,
replaying, replaying, replaying...

you long for things unreachable,
but never take a step to try,
so that even possible things
become a faraway dream,
a piece of memory to forget,
a forgotten memory to mourn.

you keep spinning in circles
until you grow dizzy,
but the space keeps closing in
and you are trapped,
you can't move or run or shout;
a heavy lump sits in your throat,
stealing away your voice;
there's not a worse feeling
than being forced to be silent.

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