Nick & Charlie - A Neverending Story || Heartstopper

Chapter 11: Soul mates

I'm Nicholas Luke Nelson, although everyone knows me as Nick Nelson or just Nick.

I don't even know how to start, but I guess I'll do it from the beginning. I was always a very outgoing, funny child with a certain gift for people. My mother said I was what is called a charming boy. But now, I realize that it wasn't quite like that.

I was a bit insecure when it came to taking initiative, and I feel like I was always trying to please others and not let anyone down. In part I think I myself contributed to building my own image of "perfect guy". As if that really exists. And when I realized it, it was too late. Now I see that I have been surrounded by the wrong environment all my life.

Starting with a father who hardly cares about me and I only see a few times a year, an insufferable brother who can't stop making me feel bad simply because he hates himself and therefore needs to hurt others, and a group of terribly noxious friends. Except Christian, Omar and Sai, my rugby partners, and Imogen, my best friend. I really think they're the only ones worth it, cause the others don't even deserve me speaking to them. Plus now I have Tara, Darcy, Elle, Isaac, and even Tao, if I can call him my friend. They really are real friends, the ones I do want to have.

Sometimes I feel that my dog ​​Nellie, who is something like my guardian angel, has been warning me to stop acting like I was doing and to break once and for all that mask that I felt compelled to wear in front of people. She's much more than a pet, she really is very important to me.

And in the end I listened to her. I am tired of continuing to give that wonderful and always radiant image, because I am a person like any other. Although let's say that the fact that I am radiant right now has a much more compelling reason. Because if I am now, it's because I want to be, and it's because something really incredible has happened to me. That something, or rather someone, is called Charlie, Charlie Spring.

I myself am not capable of explaining how it was, but from the first moment I saw him I felt a tremendous desire to be with him, to laugh with him, to live with him, and he became my best friend, the most important person around me. I thought about him all the time, and that's when it hit me. Did I really like him in a romantic and not just a friend way? I began to consider it, and in the end I understood it was true. Very true. Like I've never liked anyone before. When I say no one, I mean no girl. And that's why I thought "what's happening to me?". Largely because of the pressure and weight of my "status", I was a coward and refused to accept it. Now I quite regret that.

But it wasn't the same for Charlie. He has always had the courage to take risks that I have had a hard time finding. And that's how we kissed at Harry's party. I didn't know how to react, another cowardly act on my part, and so Charlie felt terrible because of me. But the next morning I decided to fix things and ran to his house. It was pouring rain, I was soaking wet, but it didn't matter. And he listened to me, he gave me my space, and he did not pressure me or condition me in the whole process that I've gone through. It was how it all really started. Now I know that all this has been worth it, and it is largely thanks to him. Now I know who I am, and I owe it to that guy who sat next to me in class on the first day after Christmas break, and greeted me with a shy "hello". That's where this adventure began, which I think is now endless.

I don't think I can find a word that describes how incredibly valuable Charlie is to me. He is understanding, caring, respectful, lovable, sweet, just perfect. I know that perfection does not exist, but I think he is the closest human being on this planet to that ideal. I think you can tell from miles that I'm irredeemably in love, I'm sorry but I can't help it.

Charlie has also made my most naughty and crazy self flourish, the one that according to my mother I'd lost in these years. He really makes my life more colorful just by seeing him every morning. And I will be eternally glad I found him cause he made me find myself. I love you, Charlie Spring.