Seize The Day

42- Forgive Me

He stood up, sliding his briefs back up, "I wasnt lying when I said I've had feelings for you. I love you Nova."

"Look Jimmy, I love you too. I do, but I'm not in love with you. Not like I am with Zack. It's me and him, it always has been. Fuck! And I just ruined that!" The tears flowed down her cheeks.

"Like he has any room to talk, he has cheated on you. On the night of Matt's bachelor party like I said. And he's also done it when we went on tour when you didn't go." He scoffed.

"So what? He rocked some fans world for a night. But I had sex with his best friend! This is different James!"

He quickly went to her, "I always wished it was me, you got with, not him anyways. That's part of why me and Leana didn't work out, she knew I had feelings for you. She couldn't take it anymore. I even screwed up and called your name out the last time we was intimate."

"Yeah that's a asshole move Jimmy geez." She shook her head.

"I can't help it, that's because I love you. Yes I love her, but not like I love you."

"No, stop." She shook her head, "You can't. It's not far too Zack."

"And how is it far too me? Huh? Watching the girl I'd love to be with be happy with someone else? And it's fucked up because it's one of my best friends, who is like my brother. You know how horrible that makes me feel? Like a piece of shit because of it! I shouldn't have fallen but I did Nova! I tried fighting it all these years and I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried."

"You're not a piece of shit James." She ran her thumb over his lips, "It happens, more than people like to admit. And it's my fault, all those times we hung out, just the two of us. I feel like I led you on and I didn't mean to. And I'm sorry." She sniffled. "But if you love me, you have to let me go. You have to. It can't happen between us, it's too late for one and another, I don't see you that way. I'm sorry."

"Then why did we do what we did?"

"Because, I was caught up in the moment. And it was a mistake, one that should never have happened. I love Zack, he's the one I want to be with."

"Right, you love Zack. Yeah well if you loved him so much we wouldn't have had sex! If you loved HIM so much you would have pushed me off but you didn't Nova! And If he loved you, he wouldn't have cheated on you not once but twice!" He scoffed.

"I know okay?! I know! And I'm fucked up for that! And and, I never claimed to be a Saint! And obviously he does love me! He asked me to marry him! I can't do this, I can't argue with you about this anymore, I have to get out of here!"

"Please don't leave. Please don't destroy us."

"I can't destroy what isn't there." She scoffed as she turned around. "We'll be nothing more than friends, I'm sorry."

With that she stormed out.

As soon as she got home, she seen Zack still asleep. She got into the shower, standing under the water, all her tears flowed out. She didn't know how long she had been standing there before she had stopped crying. She quickly washed head to toe since the water was cooling down.

She quickly got out, drying off she quietly walked into the room to find herself something to wear.

"Hey Baby" He grumbled.

She looked at him, "Hey sorry I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep." She went back to finding something to wear.

"Baby?" He sat up, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why would you ask?" She tried to speak as clear as possible.

"Because your eyes are red." He got up and went to her, "What happened?"

"Oh uhm, I just got soap in my eyes, it's nothing." She lied.

"In both of them?" He smirked.

"Yes, soap ran down from my hair."

"You've got to be more careful." He snickered, running his fingers through her damp hair.

"I know, mistakes happen though. Especially when alcohol is involved." She sighs.

"This is true."

She gets dressed and then looks down, "No matter how much we love a person, mistakes happen to screw things up with that person. And just because mistakes happen doesn't mean you don't love the person, it just happens. No matter how much you love and you want to be with the person you're with, you fuck things up."

"Baby?" He hooks his finger under her chin, "What are you talking about?"

"Cheating. You... me."

He instantly dropped his hand "You found out didn't you? Who told you that?"

"So it is true." She sighed.

"I'm sorry baby, I really am. I never meant for it to happen. You are the one I love. You're the one I want to be with." He put his palms together.

"But you let it happen twice didn't you?" She blinked back her tears.

"Yeah." He sighs, "I shouldn't have, I'm a jackass. And I don't blame you if you were to walk out that door. I don't deserve to have you. But don't think I won't fight for you to forgive me."

She shook her head, "I'm not going to leave. Not unless you tell me to, although you might."

"What do you mean? Why would I want you to?"

"I did something worse." The tears finally fell, "I uh, tonight, me and Jimmy, we slept together."

"You what?!"

"I'm sorry." She cried, "It just happened, and I should have stopped it and I didn't and I feel horrible."

"That son of a bitch." He shook his head with a chuckle. "He wasn't lying."

Her eyes went wide, "Why are you laughing?"

"Baby." He grabbed her face, "I know about his feelings for you. The night him and Leana broke things off, we all got drunk together and he spilled his guts to me about you. Yeah I should have been pissed but I'm not because it's hard not to love you." He rubs his thumbs on her cheeks, "If you can forgive me, I'll forgive you."

"You will? Even though it was your best friend? It's different than random people."

"Of course, because despite that I love you so much."

She smiles through her tears, "So I guess this makes us even. And hopefully we'll move past this."

"I'd love that." He then kisses her. "Just promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Promise me, it won't happen again."

She quickly shook her head as she sniffled, "It won't, I promise. I made a point to tell him it won't. It can't happen again because you're who I am in love with."