Seize The Day

24- Maybe It's Time

"So why exactly are you upset?" Jimmy asked as they sat down on a bench outside and he handed her a lit cigarette.

She took a long drag from it "Zack and me got into an argument. I think he's mad about how I  was acting earlier. Especially after what happened last time I was on something around a bunch of people."

Jimmy lit up his own cigarette, "I thought I heard someone yelling."

"Sorry didn't mean to wake you."

"No, no. " He shook his head, "You guys didn't, I was already awake. And apparently these walls aren't that thick but don't worry, I didn't exactly hear what you guys were arguing about."

She shrugs one shoulder as she leans her elbows on her knees, "He just proved he thinks I'm always going to get hurt. It just feels like he don't trust me."

"Nova, he does trust you, it's others around you he doesn't trust. He fucking cares about you so much and wants to protect you that's all."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm a big girl, I'm not this weak little shit everyone thinks I am. That Chris learned the the hard way I'm not a girl to be fucked with when I busted his balls." She couldn't help but snicker about it.

"That was amazing actually. He was in so much pain like he deserved for doing that shit."

"Exactly, so I wish you guys would stop thinking I'm this weak girl, I'm not. I've proved it multiple times. I stayed strong growing up, I had to. Then I couldn't take it anymore, I just wanted it all to end." She held her palm up and pointed to her wrist showing off a scar, "I tried to slit my wrists, only got this one cut done and I just, I couldn't do more." As she was talking Jimmy sighed and rubbed her back, "And it also helped that right after I did it, that Zack showed up, knocking on my window." She took a deep breath and let it out, "I got to the point that I realized I wasn't the problem that needed to disappear it was him, it was my father. So I got rid of the problem." She shrugged, "And then I was so scared that I'd be sent away for murder but I didn't because after proving all the shit he did to me it was basically thrown out as self defense. I uh, after everything I thought I could live normal finally now that he wasn't hurting me and I couldn't, I couldn't sleep. I guess stabbing someone does something to a person mentally." She sighed, "And I felt horrible, for what I did and I did feel bad for leaving Zack without a goodbye except for in a damn letter. After I left, I felt like such a fucking coward." She groaned putting her face in her hands, "I guess I was a coward because he deserved better than that, he deserved an actual goodbye from me, not from a damn letter. And fuck, I'm sorry for letting it all out on you." She scoffed with a small smile through her tears.

"Hey no." He gave her shoulder a comfort squeeze, "It's totally fine. It's better to let it all out. It helps to talk more than bottle it up."

She nods slightly, "You know, I'm so damn grateful you guys were there for him, that he had the band to distract him. And when I came back, it surprised me that he wanted to be around me for what I did to him. I didn't deserve that and if he wanted to tell me to fuck off, I would have understand. You want to know something else?" She didn't give him time to speak before she started talking again, "You guys are the first guys to see me with tears in my eyes. I usually refuse to show my tears because it shows weakness, and I don't want to appear like this weak person."

He scoffed, "We all know you're not Nova. You're far from weak. You went through hell. You definitely deserve to shed some tears."

"Thank you for letting me vent." She pulled him into a hug.

"No problem sweetheart." He hugs her as he rubbed his hand on her back then kissed the side of her head, "By the way, you're not a coward for leaving." He pulled her away but left his hands on her shoulders, "Because of the reason why you left that is. Now if you left just because you couldn't handle a relationship then we'd be having a different conversation." He smirked with a smile which she returned the smile, "Have you, uh, have you talked to Zack about any of this?"

"Not really, I mean we've talked a little about what's happened but not deeply about it."

"Maybe you should." He motioned behind her.

She turned her head to see Zack standing there, "Hey." It only came out as a whisper.

"Hey." He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I'll let you two talk." He got up, patted Zack's shoulder then walked inside.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to hear you talking to him about stuff you refused to talk to me about."

She scoffed with an eye roll as she stood up, "It's not that I refuse to talk to you about it Zack, it just haven't really come up. Is that what tonight is about? Is because I haven't opened up to you?" She walks to him and placed her hands on the sides of his neck, "That's the first time I've really opened up to any of our friends baby. Or is it because it was Jimmy that I opened up to?" She dropped her hands.

"Of fucking course not. Why would you assume I have a problem with that, he's one of my best friends." He rolled his eyes.

"Because of your comment earlier." She then pulled his arm towards the door, "Let's go upstairs to finish this conversation privately."